The Return Of........Mr. Answer Guy!!!!!!!

The questions have been emailed.......

The answers have been formulated.......

The Yoo-Hoo has been poured..........

Now, after much delay, it is time for the long awaited return of..............

MR. ANSWER GUY!!!

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

At what age should you start talking to your kids about sex?

Allison - Bridgewater

I’m glad you asked. The plan for my daughter is to sit her down, and have an intelligent, open, mature discussion about sex. Then I will, as honestly as possible, answer any questions she may have about it. This will all occur when she is in her late 40’s, and I release her from the tower I’m going to keep her in, in my backyard. If all goes according to plan, though, her skin will be so pale from not seeing the sun and her body will be so disgusting, from never being allowed to bathe, that I’m pretty sure that I won’t have to worry about anyone wanting to have sex with her. At least, that’s the plan right now. Things could change. I could also dig a hole, in my yard, like the one Saddam Hussein was in when they found him. Either way, any boy who looks at my princess in "THAT WAY" will be beaten to death with a blunt object. So, no matter what, I don’t think it’s going to be a problem.......I’m sorry........What was the question?

Dear Mr. Answer guy,

Who would win in a tag team fight? Ray Rossi and Michelle P, orDoubledown and Judy?

Ryan- East Hanover

It would depend. In a cage match, I would have to give the edge to Ray and Michelle. They are bigger, and stronger, and the smaller space would serve them well. In an open ring, the nod would go to Judy and Chris. They’re smaller and faster, and the extra space would give them the edge. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I would never allow this to happen, because anything with the words "Judy," "Michelle P," and "tag team" would have to involve ME!!! Ray and Chris can go have their own fun, someplace else.

Mr. Answer guy, why is it I never hear of anymore NJ 101.5 chip clips being given away anymore? Are You Smarter than Ray Rossi is one of the most exciting hours in radio today, the drama and competition are very intense. Hell, you can almost feel the intensity being broadcasted into my car every time. So why no more chip clips? You gotta keep those stakes up high to make sure only the best and brightest are playing!

Fred Hadayia - Somewhere in New Jersey

There is no "one" person to blame, here. Perhaps all of mankind, really. You see, New Jersey 101.5 chip clips are not mass produced. They are a naturally occuring phenomenon, in nature. Due to the effects of global warming, and the destruction of the rain forests near the "New Jersey 101.5 Chip Clip Plantation," in Brazil, the number of chip clips is at an all time low. It’s not just affecting you. People all over the garden state are being forced to deal with stale chips. Add to this the faltering economy, and the fact that people no longer have the disposable income to go out and purchase "fresh chips," and you will understand why the lack of chip clips is rapidly becoming a state wide disaster, worthy of governmental assistance...........Either that, or "Ray The Prize Guy" is too drunk and cheap to order more from the factory in China...........One of those two.

You said that "Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress" by the Hollies was the greatest rock and roll song ever. What’s the greatest album ever?

Paul - South Brunswick

Abbey Road by The Beatles.
This, too, is not open for debate.

Are you gay?

Steve - Somewhere in New Jersey

I’m in a pretty good mood. But, not enough to really be "gay." So, I’d have to say no.

If we started a write-in campaign and voted for you to become Governor, would you do it?

Gail - Pennington

We have a governor who had virtually no political experience, and look how well that’s working out for us. That being said, Whitman and McGreevey had experience and they screwed things up, pretty good, too. So, all things considered, I would have to say yes. I would do it. BUT, only if I got to wear a baseball hat that said "GOV" on it, and I would want several young women, dressed in Roman togas, to fan me and feed me grapes during all public appearances.

Why hasn’t Ray Rossi killed you, yet?

John - Wildwood

Because, if he does, he’ll never find out the location of the storage unit where I’m keeping his daughter.

So I was wondering how hard has it been going back and forth from NJ to St Louis? I feel so bad for you. Are you excited for having a boy? Kate from Gillette

Don’t cry for me, Argentina.....Even though I have made more than 30 trips, back and forth, since last August, I’m fine. In order to pass the time, I used to pretend that I was an air marshal, and would pick out the other passengers that were terrorists and shoot at them.......But, they took my toy gun away, so I can’t do that anymore. Now, I just listen to my iPod. The worst part about the whole thing is that, half the time, when I land I’m in St. Louis. That is one messed up town. But, that’s another blog, for another day......Am I excited about having a boy? You bet. As with my daughter, I just hope I don’t screw it up.

Are you smarter than Ray Rossi?

Jaimn Gallagher - Somewhere in New Jersey

I can’t even tie my own shoes.

Okay "Mr. Answer Guy," you’re stuck on a deserted island, and there is little hope that anyone will find you. What 5 things would you want to have?

Brenda - Hightstown

-Salma Hayek
-Natalie Portman
-Charleze Theron
-Carrie Underwood
-Kate Hudson

Please note that, at this point, were you to FIND me on this deserted island, I would beat you to death with a coconut and sink that boat that you came in. I do not wish to leave.

What makes you think you’re so smart?

Tina - Somewhere in New Jersey

I have a t-shirt that says so.

Has the American dream finally died? Or only in the state of New Jersey? I have a few friends that moved out of this state over the last ten years to places like North Carolina, Oregon, Nevada, Alabama, Virginia, and Illinois and they can actually earn a decent income and afford to live and raise their children in a nice environment and enjoy life. Is Missouri an affordable place to live, too? Thank you. Katie - Morris County, NJ

Of course not. The American Dream is alive and well, in New Jersey. The only problem is that it’s just that. A dream. The reality in New Jersey is rapidly becoming a freaking nightmare, with Jon Corzine in the role of Freddy Krueger. Taxes are too high, and their trying to make them higher. Private jobs are leaving the state at massive levels, and government jobs are actually going up. Housing prices are out of reach for the people who live here, and there is NO ONE new coming to the state to buy them. So, people are stuck in homes they can’t afford, and can’t sell. BUT, it can be fixed if we start voting people out of office who are causing the problems. It’s really not that difficult to fix a bad government. People just to want to do it, for whatever reason. Until people get interested in fixing it, the politicians who run the place are going to keep screwing it up. Period.

As for Missouri....Well.....It’s Missouri......I mean.....Cows are nice.....If you like that sort of thing.

That’s the end.

I’ll be out of town from Friday to Monday. So, there MIGHT not be another blog until Monday. But, you never know.....If I get bored......We’ll see.

Should you have any questions for the NEXT edition of MR. ANSWER GUY just email them to mranswerguy@gmail.com

Now, if you will excuse me, there are Spanish soap operas to watch, and I’m just the man to watch ’em!!!

Casey