As the father of a "pending" teenage girl, I'm always looking for ways to eliminate teenage boys. By eliminate I don't me kill. I just mean that I would like to make them all go away.
Luckily the world of science, clearly populated by the fathers' of teenage daughters, has stepped in and offered a solution.
A device developed at Carnegie Mellon University will "allow computer users to manipulate three dimensional images and explore them....not only through sight and sound, but by using their sense of touch."
Now that I think about it, this was probably DEVELOPED by teenage boys.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!!!
So, someone would be able to create a three dimensional object......Just for conversation sake, let's say a woman......Then, they would be able to see it, hear it, AND touch it?
We'll never see a teenage boy, or a lot of pathetic middle-age men, AGAIN.....EVER.
Why go to the expense of taking a girl out on a date, buying her dinner, paying for a movie, and trying NOT to look like an awkward geek (which most teenage boys are), for a couple of hours, when you can just go to your computer, download your virtual Salman Hayek, and NOT get your hand smacked away?
In a way this is MORE than a little pathetic. I mean, there are researchers out there trying to do important things. Split the atom, cure AIDS, figure out why people thought "Nirvanna" was any good (they weren't.)
Yet, here these guys are, with their huge grants, and high powered computer equipment, and they've done little more than create a high-tech porn program. I guess that Nobel Prize for Computer Research is gonna have to wait a few years, huh?
And ladies, the next time that creepy guy at work, who still lives with his mom and drives a Gremlin, starts walking around with his digital camera, just know what he has in mind. He's going to take pictures of all of you, download them onto his computer, create a virtual image of you, and........well.........you can use your imagination from here.
One day, in the near future, the grid will go down like it did in 2003. People will be forced to come out of their homes, talk to their neighbors, and unite to get through this disaster once again.......The pasty skinned, sickly looking, thin creatures standing under the shade of the trees, hissing and throwing rocks at the sun, will be the teenage boys.
They will eventually die off, due to minor sun exposure. The teenage girls will eventually grow up, and try to keep society going. But, they will fail. Biologically speaking, they will be doomed.
Men will be nothing more than a memory, for some, a rumor for others. A species that died out, a long time ago, due to the advancements in technology made by Carnegie Mellon University.
Mankind will have disapeared. And it will all have happened without one, greasy, pimply faced, hormone raging, teenage punk being able to lay his slimmy paws on my young girls virtue.
Somewhere in Heaven, I will be smiling.
Casey
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2 comments:
Casey, 0 comments? Really? I tried to leave one last night but wasn't signed up yet, so I lost it all. I can't believe nobody else has commented. Please don't feel unloved! I am very impressed by your writing skills. You are as witty with the written word as you are with the spoken word. You are a breath of fresh air after the egomaniac who was your predecessor. Sorry, but it was a rough couple of years. I listen all day at work (granted, the only other stations that will come in at work are 98.3 and a religious music station). I love the rapport you and Ray have and the respect you show him, your wife and women in general. What a blessed change. I used to think Ray did not have a mind of his own, but with you he is able to show that he is funny and intelligent and I enjoy the show so much more. When your head is about to explode, I'll admit that I do switch to Lite music, but most of the time you are easy to listen to and you don't raise my high blood pressure.
I listened to you and Scott and again, sorry, but I believed Scott to be a complete idiot. Couldn't wait till you left because of him, not you. Then, alas, along came he who is not to be named. MY HEAD EXPLODED!!! I picked up the pieces of my brain matter and gave you and Ray a chance, and, yes, you are like mould. You and Ray are a winning team. Thanks.
By the way, I went to the book signing in Bridgewater (I work 5 minutes from there in a lab - at least for the next 4 1/2 months at which time I am due to retire). I actually got Bob to do something you and your predecessor where unable to accomplish. I got the first line from 'Holly Jolly Christmas'!! And, he has a really good voice and sounds just like Burl. I was thrilled. He is such a nice guy. He really made me feel at ease. Tell him Marilyn says hi and give my best to Ray.
Good luck to you and your growing family.
Love ya,
Marilyn
Casey,I feel your pain!!!!!After 12yrs in the house "WE" bought I still refer to it as my Wife's house! Glad your back you and Ray make a great team!!keep up the good work!(Got to do some laundry!)
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