If I could have everybody's attention, please. I would like to read a brief statement. This should only take a moment.
Ready?
Good. Here it is.
I HAVE TRIED KETCHUP, AND I DO NOT LIKE IT.
Now, if any of you have any questions, I would be happy to field them.
You see, I recently went to an unnamed fast food restaurant, and ordered some food. It went something like this:
Yes, I will have a #6, plain, with a diet coke, please.
I know what you're thinking. "Isn't it kind of stupid to go to a fast food restaurant, and get a bag of disgusting, fat-filled food, and order a diet coke with it?" It is. It sort of reminds me of when I used to work at an ice cream parlor, and people would order a root beer float, but want me to make it with diet coke, instead. As though the ice cream and the diet coke would cancel each other out, and it would be like eating air, only it would taste better.
But, that's another column for another time.
No, I order my food plain. Dry. Meat, or meat-like substance, and bun. Period. I don't like "things" on my food. The problem with this is that people think that I'm kidding. They think that I have made some kind of mistake, while ordering, and that it is now their duty, as a member of the food service industry, to correct it for me. Either that, or they think that I'm 4, and I have simply never tried the "thing" that they have decided to put on my food.
When I have to take it back, which is about 70% of the time, the answer is always the same.
BUT, IT'S JUST_____________.
That's what I get.
"It's just ketchup"
I don't like ketchup.
"It's just mustard."
I don't like mustard.
"It's just cheese."
I......DON'T.......LIKE.......CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, of course, they have to ask the next obvious question.
"Have you ever tried ketchup?"
Yes. I don't like it.
"Have you ever tried mustard?"
Yes. I DON'T like it.
"Have you ever tried cheese?"
YES............I.......DON'T........LIKE.........IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that there are others like me. We are the last group that it seems "okay" to discriminate against. There are laws protecting people who are mistreated due to their race, religion, sexuality, or if they think Dane Cook is funny (he's not.)
But, if you choose to openly display your hatred against MY kind, the ketchup/mustard/cheese/relish/pickle/tomato/mayonnaise/lettuce hating minority, well you are free to let loose. There are no laws that protect us. In fact, you are free to openly try and DECEIVE us.
If you're like me, and I know there are only a few of us. But, how many times have you told someone that you didn't like, say, lettuce? What's their response? "It doesn't have any flavor." Do we look stupid? If it doesn't have any flavor, then why do you put it on a burger? Nails don't have any flavor!!! Why don't you put some of THOSE on your burger, huh? HA!!!!! FOOLS!!!!!!
Someone once told me that they put lettuce, and pickles, and such on their burgers for texture. Texture? On your food? Texture is for paint. Food is to enjoy. How can you only enjoy something that tastes like SOMETHING ELSE in your mouth? It makes no sense.
It's gotten so bad for some of "my kind" that they've actually started ordering food with all the stuff ON IT. Then, they go into a dark, back corner of the restaurant and try to scrape all the stuff off. It never works, though. You can still taste the "ketchup residue," or the "mustard residue." It makes eating unpleasant. Some of us have even died, from starvation, rather that face the public ridicule of having to order something, "plain."
We are forced to live in the shadows. I, myself, have even turned my back on my people, on occasion. More than once I have denied my "true self," and told some waiter or waitress that I was "allergic" to cheese, or something, in order to make sure that they wouldn't put it on my food. I would rather make them think that they might kill me, than tell them that I simply didn't like something. In truth, it does kill me. A little bit more, each time I have to tell those lies.
Why did God make me like this? Probably because he has warped sense of humor. How else do you explain Ron Paul?
When you see us out in public, just leave us alone. We're not trying to hurt anybody. We're just trying to live our lives. We don't want any trouble. WE ARE NOT ANIMALS............WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!
.....Who don't like ketchup.......Or, is it catsup?........I've seen it both ways.......What the heck is the difference, anyway?
Casey
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7 comments:
Hey Casey.. Love you and Ray. Bring me alot of enjoyment listening to you guys from 2-7. But to the topic at hand..I'm nineteen now, but when I was about 16 and past, I never ate anything on my chicken sandwich.
When I went to a fast-food establishment I always order a diet coke and a plain chicken sandwich(never ate and still haven't eaten a hamburger from a fast-food joint), and they would also look at me as if I just asked them to hand me over all the money in the register.
Then the best part would be if i got back to the table and then realized that this wasn't what I ordered. Then having to go back up on the line, with the incorrect mess they gave me.
Up to the cashier and say, "Yes this isn't what I ordered." They then give me a scowl indicating that I had just ruined there entire day right there. The only thing i can think of is if you got it right the first time we wouldn't be in this predicament.
The worst part on some occasions going out with my family to a fast-food joint, having got the wrong order, and then being told to eat the "ick" in front of me. So in defense it shouldn't hurt to scrape the lettuce, tomato, mayo, onions, and whatever else is on it and try to eat it. But like what you said the residue is still clinging onto it and leaving the smell and taste of it on the sandwich.
I also feel like and outsider when i forced to scrape everything off and having everybody looking at me as if I'm a scientific experiment gone wrong.
But to tell you the truth now, I do eat everything on my chicken sandwich(still haven't tried a burger from said establishments). I never ate hoagies or anything other then fried chicken, chicken nuggets, hot dogs and Mac n Cheese. In some ways I regret not eating everything before, but my taste buds didn't like all that extra mess on my sandwiches.
Casey, I am so glad you wrote this entry. While I personally do enjoy ketchup, cheese, lettuce and the like, I absolutely DESPISE tomatoes. I don't like them in salads, on burgers, on sandwiches, on anything. I just hate the tomato. And I always feel like an idiot when I have to request "no tomato" while I'm out with people who don't get it, like co-workers. The restaurant always ends up putting it on anyway, and then I have to look even more foolish by actually picking the tomato off and putting it aside, but the dish is tainted anyway with the tomato goo that I can't remove. And if one more person says "well have you ever tried tomatoes" I'm going to inflict some sort of harm -- after all, how do you think I know that I don't like tomatoes!
I'm with sarah! I despise tomatoes too. But I digress. I LOVE ketchup (sorry Casey) and I can eat tomato sauce. But a slice of tomato, chunks of tomato, thick salsa, blech! SOOOO many times people still put the tomato on my burgers and other sandwiches. You will get the receipt and it clearly shows NO TOMATO. What part of NO don't they understand? Then when you take it off, the gunk of the tomato because normally they are juicy. The best is when I get the "eyeroll". It is like I'm inconveniencing them because they have to hit an extra button on their register. That is why they have those buttons. Ugh!
The other thing I wanted to address is the Diet Coke thing. Whatever I order from a fast food restaurant is accompanied with a Diet Coke. BUT it isn't because I'm 'watching my figure', it is because I prefer the taste of DC better than regular Coke.
Casey, my husband does what you do...he despises mushrooms & broccoli (very unfortunate!) and he will tell people that he is allergic to make sure they don't put it in, that is how much he hates them. I could definetely understand with the broccoli because if you pull the whole chunk out, those little green things break off all over the place. He is convinced though that because of all the "No this or no that" on our foods and bringing food back that we probably had disgruntled people spit on our food. Now that's attractive. Ugh! I'm very careful how I word it & try to be nice if I have to bring it back because along with NO tomatoes I don't want to have to say NO spit. LOL!
Don't Fret Casey, I don't like Ketchup either. Like you I am a very picky eater. My wife and kids think I'm weird. I LOVE cheese, I love burgers, but don't you dare put cheese on my burger. I love peanuts, I hate peanut butter, and the list goes on and on. I use to manage a fast food restuarant, yep, I don't understand the "supersize me please and make that a diet coke". Just doesn't make any sense.
i used to dislike ice cream. still do, for the most part. it wasn't until i worked part time at an ice cream parlor in princeton this past summer that i grew to appreciate some forms of ice cream, but only if it had "stuff" in it - like i don't get into chocolate or any of that stuff. but the shop i worked at, they'd make all of their ice cream, so the pistacchio wasn't that green, nut-flavored stuff. this was basically sweet cream ice cream with real pistacchios in it. i like that. or maple walnut with walnuts in it.
but don't give me some random flavored concoction. i dislike that.
i've heard "YOU DON'T LIKE ICE CREEAM!?!?!?" so many times in my life. so i feel your pain, casey.
i do like ketchup, though.
Casey, it is nice to know that there are other "condimentally challanged" people in New Jersey. :)
How do you feel about spaghetti sauce? or even tuna salad?
Keep on bloggin' :)
What about FANCY ketchup? It's got onion and garlic in it. Mmm... Onion and garlic.
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