Parents Who Hate Their Children....On The Next "Maury"

The Governor of New York, the honorable Eliot Spitzer, is in trouble for spending what they think may be as much as $80,000 on hookers. Which means that, by the time you read this, he will probably be the FORMER Governor of New York.

Which brings to mind the obvious question: Why would you name your child Eliot?

OF COURSE a guy named Eliot is going to pay for sex. But that's just part of it. Guys named Eliot have a myriad of problems that people with normal names don't have. In fact, I'll bet that if you did a survey of all the guys who paid for sex a good 30-40% would be named Eliot.....or Blaine......Probably Julian, too.

Face it, the name you give your child is the life, and career path that they will be doomed to take for the rest of their lives. For instance, people always think I am either:

A) A girl.
B) Someone who strikes out a lot.......in Mudville.
C) On the radio.

See? Don't you think that I would rather be some kind of bad ass detective, like in the movies? It wouldn't work. Look at this.

"You screw up one more time, Casey, and I'll have your badge!!!"

Doesn't really work, does it? Nope.

How about this.

"Oh my God!!!! The giant, flesh eating, death monster of doom is coming!!!!!!!!!!! Do something.....Casey!!!"

Nope. "Casey's top 40," "Casey's Coast to Coast." I'm SUPPOSED to work on the radio. Period......Or Target. One of the two.

What about women? Would you sleep with a woman named Mathilda? What about Maude? Ida? I think not. Those are the girls that Eliot marries after he's spent all his money on hookers, and his wife has left him.

Jazmine would be a good hooker name.......Or Candy......I bet Candy is worth 80 grand. But, I digress.

So, as you can clearly see, parents have a direct effect on what their children do, and become in life. If I were Eliot Spitzer, I would try and sue my parents. They doomed him to having to go to hookers for the rest of his life. Even if he didn't want to.

So, who's the real victim here?

The people of New York?

I think not.

The well paid.....VERY well paid.....hooker?

Doubtful.

How about a poor guy, saddled with a bad name, who was just trying to get by? How about poor, sad, unpopular, little Eliot? The kid who had to stay in his room, and practice the violin, while all the Bills', Daves', and Mikes' were out playing baseball. How about him, huh?

And.......his wife.....I guess......She would be a victim, too, because her husband went to a bunch of filthy skanks.

The three daughters, too, I would guess......They would be victims, also......That's pretty messed up, if you think about it.......Dad paid $80,000 for hookers, and it's splashed all over the front page. I mean, in "The History Of Things That Suck" that has to be pretty high on the list.

Okay, so as far as victims go, let's say it's the daughters, followed by the wife, THEN Eliot...........Though it is kind of messed up, what Eliot did. I mean, even if you have a bad name, you shouldn't go to a hooker. My parents gave me a bad name, and I've never gone to a hooker. Maybe Eliot's just a jackass. How about that? Yeah!!! Take that, you giant booger, Eliot!!!! Poor kids.......

I hate Eliot.

So, the moral here is NOT to name your son Eliot. If you do, he will become a pathetic, philandering, booger, who screws up his kids lives.

.....Or, Casey. If you do, the giant, flesh eating, death monster of doom will kill us all.

When that happens, just sue my parents......I hate them.

Casey