As we move from 2008 to 2009, I believe we should use this as a time of hope, and reflection. A time to learn from the mistakes of the previous year, and use our new wisdom to make the coming year one of shining optimism. Basically, we should take a moment to lie to ourselves about 2008, and fool ourselves into thinking about how good 2009 will be.
On that note, here are a few thoughts:
-If you thought the economy in 2008 was bad, just wait until you see 2009. There are two other types of mortgages that are going to, basically, collapse in the coming year. They are known as Alt-A’s, and Option Arms. Without getting too technical, these are loans that basically started off with the payment being at, say, $800. When the adjustment happens, many of these payments are going to, in some cases, nearly double. This hasn’t happened, yet, but it’s GOING to happen. When it does, things are going to get worse, not better.
-I didn’t vote for Barack Obama. I didn’t agree with nearly anything he was running on. That being said, we should all get 100% behind him. Things suck and they’re going to get, shall we say, suckier.
-According to Joe Biden, within the next 6 months the terrorists are going to do something to “test” our new President. I always hated tests. I’m not looking forward to this one.
-As he leaves office, I hope people will remember that Bush wasn’t nearly as bad of a President as the media allows you to believe. He tried to fix this mess, in ’03, but got blocked.
-Things will get worse before they get better. But, they will get better. “This, too, shall pass.”
-I lost 20 pounds, this year. I hope I don’t gain it back.
-Heath Ledger will probably win an Oscar. I saw the movie. He was okay. That’s what I think of him as an actor. He was okay. I hope they don’t reward him just because he was stupid enough to kill himself.
-Dane Cook is still not funny. I don’t know why people keep paying him to try.
-They didn’t think we would ever give up our cars. But, when gas went through the roof, people started driving less. Suck it, OPEC!!!
-I just can’t watch baseball, anymore. It’s boring, and takes too long.
-Basketball players look stupid in those long shorts.
-Having a pool is more trouble than it’s worth. Everyone told me, but I didn’t listen. You all win.
-Jessica Simpson has a nice body, but really isn’t very pretty. I think she has extra teeth. Creepy.
-I like country music more as I get older. But, I don’t drive a truck, and I refuse to hunt.
-I have a fake Christmas tree, and there are needles all over my carpet. What the hell!?!!
-I still drive a minivan. I’m 39. I think I need to have a mid-life crisis. If for no other reason, I want a better car.
-At this time next year, we will still be in Iraq. You see, it doesn’t matter who’s in charge. Things never really change.
-I’ve started taking my daughter to breakfast, every weekend. I know she’s only 8, but she’s getting older. Soon she won’t want to have breakfast with her old man. I want to cherish this time.
-Computers still break when I touch them. Maybe 2009 will be better for that.
-“Big Bang Theory” and “The Office” are the funniest shows on TV.
-I still enjoy “Heroes.”
-“Hannah Montana” is a funny show. I wouldn’t watch it if I didn’t have a young daughter. But, it’s still funny. I hope Miley Cyrus saves her money.
-In New Jersey, Governor Corzine will continue to do things that will screw things up in this state, for years and years to come. I think it’s his mission. He might be a pod person.
-The Beatles are still the best group, EVER!!! Nothing has changed. Probably never will.
-I’m going to write more, in 2009. It requires more discipline than I often have. But, I want to do it. So, if anyone would like to come over and discipline me, feel free. I need it.
-In 2008, I realized what I want. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it. But, I know what it is. It’s good to have goals, I think.
Most importantly, for me, 2008 was the year that my son almost died. I blogged about that. If you want to go back and read it, you can. I’m not going to rehash it. It still hurts. I am haunted by the images of tiny babies, with tubes coming out of every part of their bodies. Thank God I was able to walk away from that. The economy can crumble, and the various wars can go on. I can’t control that. My boy is here, and he’s thriving. For that alone I will remember 2008 as a good year.
I only started this blog, this past year. Many people enjoy it, and some people hate it. Some find me mildly amusing, and some think I’m an untalented dweeb. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Either way, thank you for indulging me. I’ll continue to try and do whatever it is that I’m trying to do, in the new year. I hope you all stick with me.
In the meantime, I wish you all health and happiness in the coming year.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Casey
P.S. You have my permission to slug the people who say “See ya’ next year,” when you aren’t going to see them until after the 31st. I hate that.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
A Continuing Study Into My Short Comings As A Human
As we have established many times on this blog, "handy" is not a word that would be used to describe me.
You want proof?
One of my current "projects" is to open a dresser drawer. That's it. The dresser drawer is closed, and I need to figure out how to get it opened.
Simple, right?
FOOL!!!!!
I can't figure out how to do it.
I pulled it. Then, I pulled it some more. THEN, I pulled it REALLY hard.
Nothing.
I pulled all the other drawers out. I crawled inside, with a flashlight, to see if something were jammed in it. I saw nothing. I even tried to do that Fonzie thing, where I just pound on the top of the dresser with my fist, and all the drawers would slide open. All I accoplished was hurting my hand.
So, you'd probably think that EVEN I could handle something as simple as opening a dresser drawer. Well, you'd be wrong. I can't.
The best part about it is that when my wife finally gave up on me, which happens sooner and sooner with each event, she had to call people and TELL them that I couldn't get the drawer open. Now, as I write this, I'm waiting for large men to come to my house and deliver the replacement dresser. I will have to tell them, too, that I could not get the drawer open. They will look at me. They will smile. Then, using their thumb and forefinger, will deilcatley pull on the handle, and the drawer will slide open. Then, they will laugh at me.
Trust me. I've seen this movie before. I know how it ends.
It probably doesn't help my cause, any, that I shaved my beard off, this past week. At least I looked hard and rugged. Now, I look more like the frightened mug shot of the guy who got arrested for stealing women's panties out of the laundry room.
Not much I can do about that. I'm just playin' the hand God dealt me.
So, in order to try and regain the "Man Of The House" tag, that I am rapidly losing to my 7-month old son, I MIGHT attempt to put up my Christmas lights, this weekend.
This was easier in the old days. The days when I lived in ranch style houses, and the ground was nearly as far away. I didn't even have to get all the way up on the ladder. I'd just go half-way up, attach the lights, and I was done.
There was the one time that I tried to get cute, and I actually fell off the roof. More like "slid" off the roof, really. I was on the roof, of my not-to-high ranch house, doing my best impression of Clark Griswald, trying to make my hosue visible from Mars, when all of a sudden I started sliding. Slowly, at first. Then, progressively faster. I was flaying my arms about, trying to grab something, ANYTHING, to keep my self from going over the side. But, as I discovered, there is not much on your average roof to grab.
I tried rolling.....All I did was start sliding at an angle.
I tried laying flat....Kept sliding.
I tried sitting up....Still sliding.
I tried kicking my feet (it was every bit as comical as it sounds).....More sliding.
Finally, when I got to the edge, I put my feet down and jumped. You see, there was a planter filled with cactus (honest!) down below, and I didn't want to land in the cactus. My life is a lot of things. I DID NOT want it to become a Road Runner cartoon.
So, I jumped off the roof, and landed in the middle of my yard, messing up my leg and tearing the jacket I had on.
TA-DAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
True story. Not one of my proudest moments.
My current house has two stories. So, I will be forced to crawl up on the roof, and walk around, while I attach tiny, sparkling slights. It's also supposed to be especially cold. Which means, I won't even be able to wear gloves, because I'll be dealing with tiny lights.
It's a pretty safe bet that, if I even decide to do it, it will not end well for me. There will be no sliding, and jacket tearing. There will be falling, and skull cracking.
Even if I manage to get them up, without killing myself, I'll just have to go back up in 3 weeks, and tempt fate, again.
.......There was a brief pause, here. The guys just came with the new dresser. When they asked me what was wrong with the old one, I told them I couldn't get the drawer open.
They laughed.
Somewhere God is smiling.
Casey
You want proof?
One of my current "projects" is to open a dresser drawer. That's it. The dresser drawer is closed, and I need to figure out how to get it opened.
Simple, right?
FOOL!!!!!
I can't figure out how to do it.
I pulled it. Then, I pulled it some more. THEN, I pulled it REALLY hard.
Nothing.
I pulled all the other drawers out. I crawled inside, with a flashlight, to see if something were jammed in it. I saw nothing. I even tried to do that Fonzie thing, where I just pound on the top of the dresser with my fist, and all the drawers would slide open. All I accoplished was hurting my hand.
So, you'd probably think that EVEN I could handle something as simple as opening a dresser drawer. Well, you'd be wrong. I can't.
The best part about it is that when my wife finally gave up on me, which happens sooner and sooner with each event, she had to call people and TELL them that I couldn't get the drawer open. Now, as I write this, I'm waiting for large men to come to my house and deliver the replacement dresser. I will have to tell them, too, that I could not get the drawer open. They will look at me. They will smile. Then, using their thumb and forefinger, will deilcatley pull on the handle, and the drawer will slide open. Then, they will laugh at me.
Trust me. I've seen this movie before. I know how it ends.
It probably doesn't help my cause, any, that I shaved my beard off, this past week. At least I looked hard and rugged. Now, I look more like the frightened mug shot of the guy who got arrested for stealing women's panties out of the laundry room.
Not much I can do about that. I'm just playin' the hand God dealt me.
So, in order to try and regain the "Man Of The House" tag, that I am rapidly losing to my 7-month old son, I MIGHT attempt to put up my Christmas lights, this weekend.
This was easier in the old days. The days when I lived in ranch style houses, and the ground was nearly as far away. I didn't even have to get all the way up on the ladder. I'd just go half-way up, attach the lights, and I was done.
There was the one time that I tried to get cute, and I actually fell off the roof. More like "slid" off the roof, really. I was on the roof, of my not-to-high ranch house, doing my best impression of Clark Griswald, trying to make my hosue visible from Mars, when all of a sudden I started sliding. Slowly, at first. Then, progressively faster. I was flaying my arms about, trying to grab something, ANYTHING, to keep my self from going over the side. But, as I discovered, there is not much on your average roof to grab.
I tried rolling.....All I did was start sliding at an angle.
I tried laying flat....Kept sliding.
I tried sitting up....Still sliding.
I tried kicking my feet (it was every bit as comical as it sounds).....More sliding.
Finally, when I got to the edge, I put my feet down and jumped. You see, there was a planter filled with cactus (honest!) down below, and I didn't want to land in the cactus. My life is a lot of things. I DID NOT want it to become a Road Runner cartoon.
So, I jumped off the roof, and landed in the middle of my yard, messing up my leg and tearing the jacket I had on.
TA-DAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
True story. Not one of my proudest moments.
My current house has two stories. So, I will be forced to crawl up on the roof, and walk around, while I attach tiny, sparkling slights. It's also supposed to be especially cold. Which means, I won't even be able to wear gloves, because I'll be dealing with tiny lights.
It's a pretty safe bet that, if I even decide to do it, it will not end well for me. There will be no sliding, and jacket tearing. There will be falling, and skull cracking.
Even if I manage to get them up, without killing myself, I'll just have to go back up in 3 weeks, and tempt fate, again.
.......There was a brief pause, here. The guys just came with the new dresser. When they asked me what was wrong with the old one, I told them I couldn't get the drawer open.
They laughed.
Somewhere God is smiling.
Casey
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Christmas Killing Season Begins!!!
I've never LOVED going to Walmart. It's fine. But, I much prefer going to Target for all of my unnecessary shopping needs. However, while I never loved going there, I certainly never assumed that I was taking my life into my hands be making a visit.
Yet, this past week, on African American Friday, an innocent Walmart employee was killed, murdered some might say, by a large throng (that's the first time I have ever typed that word) of people obsessed with getting their hands on as many poorly constructed, plastic objects as they could.
Truthfully, is there ANYTHING at Walmart worth killing another human being over?
Sure, they sell Yoo-Hoo. As we all know, if you get in the way of someoene and their Yoo-Hoo, you get what you deserve. But, I was thinking more along the lines of a simple beating. I don't think I would kill someone who was delaying my purchase of the world's most perfect beverage........Of course, my fridge is safely stocked, with a week's supply. So, thankfully I don't have to make such decisions, yet..........Yet.
There was one thing, though I still don't believe it was worth killing a person over. You could get the Edward Norton version of "The Incredible Hulk" for a mere $9. Now, I like Edward Norton just fine. Like most people, I don't rush out and see his movies (The first rule of "Fight Club" is that not many people went to go see fight club.) Plus, he has kind of a lisp (yes he does....Infinity!!!), and I don't really see him as "The Hulk." Also, there were apparently creative differences over that movie that caused him to NOT promote it.
I know what you're thinking......
"What kind of 'creative differences' could they have over 'The Hulk?'"
Edward Norton: I think "Hulk" should be more of an "olive green."
Studio Head: No way. "Hulk" is CLEARLY more of a "hunter greenish" hue.
Edward Norton: Not if I'M "The Hulk".......I'll be in my trailor!!!!
Studio Head: Fine. "The Hulk's" not supposed to have a lisp, anyway.
Edward Norton: What!?!! HULK THMASH!!!!
Studio Head: See?
Edward Norton: Damn it.
So, people were willilng to kill a man, so that they would only have to pay $9 to see the olive-green-lisping "Hulk." Reason enough to kill? I think not.
He wasn't even a real employee.
He was a temp.
I'll be the real employees were cowering in the back, somewhere, terrified of the "classy" Walmart shoppers who were about to kick down the door, and kill everyone. I have no proof of this, but I bet that if we were able to obtain secret, "internal" memos from Walmart, they would not refer to them as "temporary employees." I'll bet they use the phrase, "human sacrifices."
Of course, I'm just speculating......A little.
On a side note, Judi Franco is no longer with New Jersey 101.5. Judi co-hosted the "Dennis and Judi" show for more than 11 years.
On top of being a co-worker, Judi is a dear friend of mine. When I left NJ 101.5, back in 2002, I never stopped talking to Judi. When I lost my job, she was always there, willing to talk to me, and offering support.
Honestly, a lot of people in radio are evil, nasty, backstabbing bastards. Judi is not like that. Although we kidded each other on the air, we are great friends, and I love her like a sister......Though, she did once invite me to her house, but neglected to tell me where it was. An oversight, I'm sure.
Judi's gonna do great. She's already got a bunch of things going on, and is gonna do fine. Michelle is a great host, and "Dennis and Michelle" are gonna do great.
But, I'm not someone who handles change, very well, and I can't help feeling a little off, today.
BEST OF LUCK, JUDI!!!!
I miss you already.
Casey
Yet, this past week, on African American Friday, an innocent Walmart employee was killed, murdered some might say, by a large throng (that's the first time I have ever typed that word) of people obsessed with getting their hands on as many poorly constructed, plastic objects as they could.
Truthfully, is there ANYTHING at Walmart worth killing another human being over?
Sure, they sell Yoo-Hoo. As we all know, if you get in the way of someoene and their Yoo-Hoo, you get what you deserve. But, I was thinking more along the lines of a simple beating. I don't think I would kill someone who was delaying my purchase of the world's most perfect beverage........Of course, my fridge is safely stocked, with a week's supply. So, thankfully I don't have to make such decisions, yet..........Yet.
There was one thing, though I still don't believe it was worth killing a person over. You could get the Edward Norton version of "The Incredible Hulk" for a mere $9. Now, I like Edward Norton just fine. Like most people, I don't rush out and see his movies (The first rule of "Fight Club" is that not many people went to go see fight club.) Plus, he has kind of a lisp (yes he does....Infinity!!!), and I don't really see him as "The Hulk." Also, there were apparently creative differences over that movie that caused him to NOT promote it.
I know what you're thinking......
"What kind of 'creative differences' could they have over 'The Hulk?'"
Edward Norton: I think "Hulk" should be more of an "olive green."
Studio Head: No way. "Hulk" is CLEARLY more of a "hunter greenish" hue.
Edward Norton: Not if I'M "The Hulk".......I'll be in my trailor!!!!
Studio Head: Fine. "The Hulk's" not supposed to have a lisp, anyway.
Edward Norton: What!?!! HULK THMASH!!!!
Studio Head: See?
Edward Norton: Damn it.
So, people were willilng to kill a man, so that they would only have to pay $9 to see the olive-green-lisping "Hulk." Reason enough to kill? I think not.
He wasn't even a real employee.
He was a temp.
I'll be the real employees were cowering in the back, somewhere, terrified of the "classy" Walmart shoppers who were about to kick down the door, and kill everyone. I have no proof of this, but I bet that if we were able to obtain secret, "internal" memos from Walmart, they would not refer to them as "temporary employees." I'll bet they use the phrase, "human sacrifices."
Of course, I'm just speculating......A little.
On a side note, Judi Franco is no longer with New Jersey 101.5. Judi co-hosted the "Dennis and Judi" show for more than 11 years.
On top of being a co-worker, Judi is a dear friend of mine. When I left NJ 101.5, back in 2002, I never stopped talking to Judi. When I lost my job, she was always there, willing to talk to me, and offering support.
Honestly, a lot of people in radio are evil, nasty, backstabbing bastards. Judi is not like that. Although we kidded each other on the air, we are great friends, and I love her like a sister......Though, she did once invite me to her house, but neglected to tell me where it was. An oversight, I'm sure.
Judi's gonna do great. She's already got a bunch of things going on, and is gonna do fine. Michelle is a great host, and "Dennis and Michelle" are gonna do great.
But, I'm not someone who handles change, very well, and I can't help feeling a little off, today.
BEST OF LUCK, JUDI!!!!
I miss you already.
Casey
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