This just in from the federal department of THINGS YOU ALREADY KNOW.
If kids sit around and watch TV, or play on the computer all day, they will get fat.
There.
Now you know.
There was a study, that people paid ACTUAL money for, to tell you that your kid will become a fat, disgusting cow if you let them sit around all day.
I'm stunned. STUNNED, I tell you.
This "study" was actually conducted by the University at Buffalo. That's right. AT Buffalo. This is a place where, apparently, they pour thousands of dollars into the Department of the Perfectly Obvious in order to study things that the rest of the world has already grasped.
The Pope is Catholic. Known to many. PROVEN by the University at Buffalo.
Cows say moo. A given? Not until the University at Buffalo did a 7 year, $2 million dollar study, and put it on paper!!
The Earth is round. Proven by Columbus. BUT, at the University at Buffalo, they.....Oh.....Well......Actually, they're still working on that one. Results are pending ANY DAY, though.
Everyone knows that letting kids sit around, and watch TV makes them fat. Did we really need a study on THAT? People just don't seem to care about it. Heck, I knew it. That's why I don't let my daughter sit around, eat potato chips, and watch "Hannah Montana" all day. Quite frankly, if it doesn't bother you that your kids weigh 300 pounds, it SHOULD bother you that I'm a better parent. Do you know how long it was before my wife let me HOLD my daughter? Much less, leave me alone with her. Personally, I think she was overreacting. I mean, you play Put The Keys In The Light Socket one time, and people start passing judgement on your parenting skills. Please...........
As for spending money on obvious studies, why doesn't the University at Buffalo start studying things we REALLY care about?
Why did Brad Pitt leave Jennifer Aniston, for Angelina Jolie? Jen's hot. Angelina Jolie is a scary, freak. I would personally pay for that study!
Why do people keep paying to see Will Ferrell movies? I tried. I really did. "Anchorman" just wasn't funny. "Elf" was good. I'll give him that. But, at some point, someone is going to have to stop this man.
Why is it the University AT Buffalo, and not the Universtiy OF Buffalo. I can't speak for everybody. But, this particular one has been bothering me for several minutes. Are they ashamed to be OF Buffalo? Until someone is willing to fund a study, I guess we'll never know.
The bottom line is that we don't need studies on things we ALREADY know. We need studies on things we DON'T know, or at the very least have forgotten. Until someone at the University at Buffalo makes a stand, and stops the insanity, we will never have the answers.
We'll still be the winners, though. No matter what, we're here, and THEY'RE in Buffalo.....Or, at Buffalo......I don't know which is worse........Maybe I should do a study.
Casey
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9 comments:
"The Earth is round. Proven by Columbus"
Actually Columbus set sail the same year (1492) that the round globe made its debut in Europe. Already in ancient times sailors knew that the Earth was round and scientists not only suspected it was a sphere, but even estimated its size.
Columbus had nothing to do with proving the earth was round. The story was popularized by Washington Iriving in a “fictionalized history” of Columbus and shamefully it made it to our history books.
When Christopher Columbus proposed to reach India by sailing west from Spain, as an educated European he already knew that the Earth was round. India was the source of precious spices many riches, but reaching it by sailing east was difficult, because Africa blocked the way. However if the earth was round it might be possible to reach India by sailing west, and this is what Columbus proposed to do.
It is actually quite sad that our educational system promotes the silly story that Columbus gave the “final proof” that the earth was round.
What the hell does that have to do with these studies?
Jeez people are weird. No study needed.
Oh my gosh! That was so funny...thanks Casey I needed that!
Oh my gosh! That was so funny...thanks Casey I needed that!
Casey
I end my day with your blog. I drink your words like a warm glass of milk. Ahhhh. Sleepy!!!
But really funny stuff. Great warped mind. Keep it up.
You should buy and read any of the Uncle John Bathroom Readers.
They're full of all these types of outlandish - but true - things that make you laugh while you waste some time on the toilet.
No, but seriously, this post made me think of them!
There's also a few true facts, for instance did you know that Grant was supposed to attend the play with Lincoln, but at the last minute didn't? We could have been out not one but two presidents!
haha.
There's a simple explanation to the University At Buffalo thing. Its part of a larger set of universities of New York State usually preceded with the word Suny (pronounced soony). There is one in Geneseo NY a half hour south of Rochester Institute of Technology (where I attend). So, its a branch of the state university of NY at Buffalo, similar to Rutgers New Brunswick, Rutgers Newark, and Rutgers Camden.
Not that it isn't a confusing naming standard...
Totally TOTALLY agree with you.
*WHY is Will Ferrell still making pathetic movies? He should have stopped with Elf. Anything after is crap.
*Totally agree with the part about Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina. The woman frightens me too.
*How about a study on why women find Tom Cruise attractive. He frightens me Casey. He really does.
*How about a study on why Madonna who is from Detroit has a British accent.
---I would pay for this too.
Casey, I saw this article on MSN & I thought you & your readers would get a kick out of what weird jobs out there that people actually get paid for...Here goes, courtesy of MSN/Careerbuilder.com --->
1. Breath odor evaluator
What they do: Odor judges smell nasty morning breath or breath “insulted” with strong scents, like garlic or coffee. They rate the breath on a scale from one to nine, one being the worst. To test odor-reducing products like gum or mouthwash, they smell the breath again and assign it a new rating.
2. Diener
What they do: Prepare cadavers for the pathologist before autopsies are performed in hospitals.
3. Ribbon candy puller
What they do: After a heated combination of sugar, corn syrup, water and coloring agent has cooled, batches of different colors are laid out side by side. Someone then pulls the candy thin until it’s about an inch wide. The final product is a multicolored hard candy.
4. Ocularist
What they do: In short, they paint artificial eyes. It sounds easier than it is, since as with real eyes, no two are exactly the same.
5. Flatulence smell-reduction underwear maker
What they do: Create underwear that protects against bad human gas for people who suffer from gastrointestinal problems. The underwear is made with various materials and filters to help remedy hydrogen sulfide gases, the main offender in foul smells.
6. Beer tester
What they do: Taste – and spit out – beer all day to approve new and existing flavors.
7. Crack filler
What they do: Using a silicone sealant, they repair the wear and tear inflicted on monumental structures, like Mount Rushmore.
8. Ball tester
What they do: Assess basketballs, footballs, volleyballs and soccer balls for air-retention, inflation, roundness, weight and reboundability.
9. Video game tester
What they do: For eight hours a day, five days a week, a group of males and females of all ages play video games. They repeat levels, games and characters, looking for any bugs and/or glitches in the software.
10. Tampon tester
What they do: Check all sizes of tampons for absorbency and cord strength in accordance with Food and Drug Administration standards. Most testers check up to 125 pieces per day.
11. Gold reclaimer
What they do: Scour old teeth for fillings, melting the gold from them with broken gold jewelry into tiny gold pellets, which are then resold to jewelers.
12. Dog sniffer
What they do: Once a week, they analyze the odor of dogs' breath to test the effect of the animals' diet on their teeth. Breath is graded on a scale of zero to 10 and is categorized as sweaty, salty, musty, fungal or decaying.
13. Potato chip inspector
What they do: Search for overcooked or clumped chips to discard as they come down the assembly line.
14. Porta-potty servicer
What they do: Like regular restrooms, portable toilets need maintenance, too. Once a week, service workers clean these single-stall facilities to achieve certain standards of sanitation.
15. Barbie dress designer
What they do: Fashion designers at Mattel Toys, the company behind Barbie, create hundreds of new styles for Barbie and her ever-expanding entourage.
16. Wax figure maker
What they do: Mold wax to create figures, often for, but not limited to, the human form. Figures are often made in the likeness of people who have achieved historical or celebrity recognition.
17. Safecracker
What they do: When combinations are lost or forgotten, safecrackers use their ears and fingers to open the safe.
18. Wig maker
What they do: Put simply, they make wigs, but the process is anything but simple. First, wig makers create a plastic model of the wearer’s head and hairline, and then they transfer the mold onto a padded canvas similar to the client’s general head size, covering it with wig lace. Using a needle, they knot and pull thousands of hairs, one by one, through the mesh cap. Once all the hairs are in place, the wig is styled to the wearer’s preference.
19. Paper towel sniffer
What they do: Paper towel manufacturers prefer their products to be odorless before, during and after their use. Naturally, paper towel sniffers ensure that once a paper towel is used, there is no noticeable scent.
20. Foley artist
What they do: Use whatever they can find to create and record the noises used to make the sound effects in films, like heavy footsteps, rolling thunder or creaking doors.
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