Monday, July 14, 2008

The Miracle Of Life.....More Or Less

FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: Honey, look!!!!!!

Husband: OH MY GOD!!!!! THERE'S A BLUE LINE!!!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!!

Wife: I think I'm gonna cry.....

Husband: Me too.....


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Wife: Uhhhhhhh.....You might want to take a look at this.....

Husband: I'm not touching that.....You peed on it.

Wife: There's a blue line.....

Husband: Is that the good one?

Wife: No.

Husband: I'm gonna go buy another one.

Wife: Get TWO!!!!


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: YOU are going to be the best dad ever....

Husband: And, YOU are going to be a terrific mom....


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Husband: Well, I guess we're going to have to start investing in more wine, so that you can....uh....relax your nerves, huh?

Wife: Yeah, and let's try and remember to NOT put the baby in the dryer for a....What was it?....RIDE?


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: This is amazing.

Husband: It's a miracle is what it is. We weren't even trying.


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Husband: You stopped taking your pill, didn't you....That's how THIS happened.

Wife: Really? Do you think? 'Cuz, I was leaning more toward the "HUNDRED CONDOMS FOR A BUCK" sale, at the Dollar Store, that SOMEONE got so excited about.

Husband: Hey!!! MOST of them weren't torn.


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Husband: You get more beautiful with every passing month.

Wife: I love going to sleep in your arms.


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Husband: I'm gonna go sleep in the other room.

Wife: Good idea. You MIGHT actually wake up alive.


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: Honey.....Wake up....I think it's time.


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Wife: Get up, Bonehead....I'm not driving myself.


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Husband: You're doing great, honey. Just keep pushing.....You're doing terrific.


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Husband: Can we speed this up, at all?

Wife: GET..........OUT............


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: Oh my God!!! He looks just like my father.....

Husband: He's beautiful!!!


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Wife: God, they ALL look like little old men when their born.

Husband: It's hard to look at.


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Husband: You're gonna be daddy's little quarterback, aren't you?


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Husband: You're gonna mow the lawn on the weekend, so daddy can sleep in, aren't you?


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: I'm gonna take you for long walks, all around the neighborhood, so that everyone can see my little man.


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Wife: Crap.....It's gonna be 15 years before I'll be able to sleep past 8am, on a weekend.


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FIRST TIME PARENTS:

Wife: I want to have a hundred more kids with you.

Husband: And I want to have a thousand more, with you.


SECOND TIME PARENTS:

Husband: Uhhhh......This is the last one, right?

Wife: Oh, you're getting a vasectomy, next week. Or, I swear to GOD, I will cut it off while you sleep.



Casey

9 comments:

Kim said...

That was priceless! I look at my brother and his wife, with their only child, and listen to them talk about having another baby. All I can do is sit there and grin and think You two are so cute and so bleepin' clueless!

Meanwhile, my son's trying to kill my daughter and I'm warning my husband to sleep with one eye open...

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

PS - your son is adorable, and you have to update your "About Me" section.

Anonymous said...

hilarious

JeffM said...

That was friggin hysterical. Maybe your best one yet. However, it's a little frightening that you have that going on in your head. LOL

Jessica O. said...

Is it bad that the husband and I were having most of the "Second Time Parent" conversations as "First Time Parents"?!

Suzie said...

#3 makes you say things like

"are you going to get fixed NOW?"

"Great, now they out-number us"

Thankfully I only have two :D

Unknown said...

Casey - I love reading your blogs - they are so entertaining and witty. If there was a Pulitzer Prize for blogs - you would win one.

Rebecca M. said...

My husband and I just found out I'm preggo with our first. I know we'll fall into the first time parent trap but your, always funny, viewpoint on parenting will keep us grounded... somewhat...

Anonymous said...

Now that's funny!!! Thanks for enlightening me and my husband to what we have to look forward to.