I went to an all boys, catholic high school. I am more than willing to admit that I don't know a lot about women. Never have. I know they smell nice. I like that. So, I have compiled a list of questions that I would like......No.......That I DEMAND answers to.
They are in no particular order. So, if you could please get out your number 2 pencils, and get cracking, I would consider it a personal favor.
Thank you:
Why do you go see movies, and make us go see movies, that you KNOW are going to make you cry? Then, why do you get upset that you cried? Don't tell me that you DIDN'T know you were going to cry. The movie was called "MY FIANCE DIED THE MORNING HE PROPOSED TO ME, AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD, SIX MONTHS AFTER HE DONATED AN ORGAN THAT SAVED MY LIFE." Everyone knew you were going to cry. Why didn't you?
How do you avoid getting the toothpaste all over your mouth when you brush your teeth? You look perfectly normal after you brush your teeth. I look like a rabid dog, that the police would shoot on sight.
Why do you go to such great lengths, including wearing VERY uncomfortable looking underwear, to keep people from seeing your panty line? Yet, you wear pants that, as soon as you sit down, show that very underwear to the entire world? (Note: Not that I am complaining. I'm just curious.)
Why do you wear shirts that draw attention to your breasts, then get mad when we look at your breasts?
Why does it take you 5 minutes to iron the same shirt that took me 20 minutes, and yours looks better?
Why do I have to throw away a perfectly good shirt, that may be 15 years out of style, but you can keep a dress that you had BEFORE I even met you, AND still has the tags on it?
Why all the shoes? I have two pairs of tennis shoes, and a pair of dress shoes that I wear when someone dies or gets married. I'm good. Why do you need so many shoes?
Why do I have to lie to you, and tell you something starts at 8:00, when it really starts at 8:30, just so that you'll be ready on time? Then, after you find out that I'm lying to you, I have to tell you that it starts at 7:30, because you have figured out that I'm adding a 1/2 hour to our "prep" time. So, when I say 7:30, you'll think "Ha!!! I know what you're up to!! It doesn't start until 8:00!!" Then, we'll show up at 8:30, which was my plan all along. Pretty soon you'll get so wise to my tricks, that I'll have to start telling you the event starts several days before it actually does. But, we'll probably still be there by 8:30. So, why can't you just be ready on time, and we can stop this web of lies?
Why did you fall in love with us, when we were geeks, and then tried to make us not be geeks? You married a geek. Deal with it. I'm good with it, why can't you be?
Why do you ask my opinion, when we both know that you REALLY don't want it? We could save ourselves a lot of time, here....
Casey
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3 comments:
Would it really change your life to know the answers to these questions? Will it make you any happier? I don't think so, I think it will just bring up more questions. Like what is the purpose of making movies that are just going to make us cry. Trust me, you are better off just not knowing the answers to your questions.
Just say yes dear a lot and enjoy the ride. :D
Here goes...
1. Hmmm. This begs the reverse view. Example: say on the show "Jackass", IF I RIDE THIS SHOPPING CART WHILE SOMEONE PUSHES IT AT FULL SPEED TOWARDS A CURB THAT I'LL GO FLYING OVER A PRICKLY BUSH AND LAND ON MY HEAD WHY DO I DO IT? Everyone knew you were going to get hurt. But you try to see if you don't.
2. Genetic predisposition. And years of self-consciousness which is started at girl slumber parties. Watch Spenser and see.
3. Got me. I think thong underwear is Victoria's real secret, which is truly evil.
4. We get mad because you've blown the skill test. Yeah, we dress the girls up in all their femininity but value the art of discretion. Besides the accompanying drooling you do gets all over the shirt.
5. Technique & exposure. Our shirts: every fabric under the sun. Your shirts: basically cotton and perma-press. Remember this is the same gender that does her makeup in the car rearview mirror while driving.
6. We can wear an old outfit and be considered dressing vintage. You wear an old outfit and be considered dressing homeless. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
7. I'm stumped, too. I could have a few pairs of Keds sneakers, Birkenstocks, and ballet flats and be a happy camper. Those Manolos and Jimmy Choos look like they hurt... alot. Look, you never know when you end up on the red carpet. Who needs Ryan Seacrest cracking on your shoes at that moment?
8. Boy, I have that problem with every single guy in my life after high school. However, they all have memories like Dory in "Finding Nemo" so I can recycle the time trick.
9. Aw, c'mon, there's always SOME transformation. It's done slowly enough that you don't notice. Some girls just have higher expectations, too.
10. Just to validate our opinion. Deal with it. :)
OK, about the shoes... shoes - especially high heels - make us feel sexy.
At 5ft 6 I am average height. Throw on a pair of 3 inch heels (minimum) and it makes my legs look longer which in turn makes me feel sexy. (helps that my husband is 6ft 2)
And yes, you have to have the right shoes for the right outfit.
So if you want your wife to look nice & sexy, you will shut up and pay the shoe bill.
Of course after she heals and can actually walk again.
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