I'm taking Monday off so that I can place myself further into financial ruin.
I'm closing on my house.
So, in order to celebrate going several hundred thousand dollars into debt, I'm going to take a day off of work. Somehow this doesn't make sense. At a point when I need money, more than ever, I've decided NOT to go to work.
I don't own a house, now. I've owned houses in the past. But, right now, the house my family lives in is owned by my in-laws. They claim this was to help them with tax issues. I think it was so that they could control my life.
Me: I am the king of my castle!!!!
Mother-In-Law: Really? Because I was just looking at the deed, and....uh.....
Me: Shut-up.
Mother-In-Law: Don't talk to me like that in my house.
Me: I.......damn it........I'm going to my room.
Mother-In-Law: Your room?
Me: STOP IT!!!!!
My point being that, before Monday, I will have virtually no debt. Then, as if by magic, I will be thrust into a world of mortgage payments, and APR's, and re-financing, and flux capacitors', and such. And, when I say "me," I really mean "Brooke." My wife does that. I can't handle the money. I'll buy candy, and everybody knows it.
This has always been a problem with me, and money. I very rarely buy things I need (food,) but I often buy things that neither I, nor ANYONE else needs (Kermit The Frog hat.) I think my main problem is that I don't like shopping. So, I have to make it exciting. Sadly, at 38, buying a Kermit The Frog hat makes it exciting.
I suppose that I COULD buy exciting things. Lingerie? No. Can't buy that. If I buy anything for my wife, I have to do it online. I know that there are guys who CAN do that, and will make a big show of it. I'm not one of them. I think the big problem is that I'm 5'10", and my wife is 5'9". So, in my mind, anything that I buy for her LOOKS like it might fit me.......And I KNOW what they're thinking.
Lingerie Girl: Can I help you, sir?
Me: Yeah, I'm looking for something for my wife.
Lingerie Girl: Of course, sir. And, what size is your wife?
Me: I dunno. She's about my height. So.....
Lingerie Girl: Oh.......I see.
Me: Huh?
Lingerie Girl: Are you looking for something to sleep in? Or, do you want something to wear under your clothes?
Me: I.....Wait.....What?
Lingerie Girl: Do you prefer satin, or something in lace?
Me: Uhhhh....I don't think you understand.......
Lingerie Girl: (winking) Oh, I think I understand, sir. Lots of men come in for their...uh....WIVES.
Me: No....I.....I wear boxers....I'm not....
Lingerie Girl: We just got some new crotchless items in, if you're interested......
Me: NO!!! I have to go.......I have to buy.....tools......and.......things.....
So, I buy all that stuff (FOR MY WIFE!!!!) online. Then, when it arrives at my house, my wife opens it up, takes it out of the package, gives me that "knowing" look, and promptly puts it into her lingerie drawer which is where lingerie goes to die. If you listen closely, you can actually hear the garter belts screaming before she closes the door. Sad, really.
Can't blame a guy for trying.
So, I end up buying video games, and books, and candy, and such. I suppose that it's true that guys never really grow up. Especially me. I wear clothes that rarely match. Most days, I wear a baseball hat. I ALWAYS wear tennis shoes. This is why it's so odd that someone is going to loan me a pile of money to buy a house.
I wouldn't even give me a pile of money, to buy a house. I've never even MET the guy who's going to give it to me. If I had, I can't imagine that he would WANT to lend me this kind of money. There would certainly be better investments. Like......Oh.......I don't know......Setting it on fire.
When I go in, for the closing, on Monday I thought about wearing my suit. Yes, I have a suit. It's gray. That way I can wear it when someone dies, or gets married. But, I think it would be okay for a house closing. That way, the money guy would feel better about giving me money.
"Wow!!" he would say. "That gentleman in the suit is one mature, responsible, 38 year old, father of two. I have no problem loaning HIM all this money.......Wait a minute..........Is that a Pepe Le Pew tie that he's wearing?"
Sadly, yes. It is. The same one my father tied for me, two years ago and I keep pulling over my head, because I don't know how to tie a tie. I bought it when I bought the Kermit The Frog hat........AFTER I left the lingerie store......Wearing my boxers, damn it....... I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!
Casey
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I Have A Right To Know!!!!
I went to an all boys, catholic high school. I am more than willing to admit that I don't know a lot about women. Never have. I know they smell nice. I like that. So, I have compiled a list of questions that I would like......No.......That I DEMAND answers to.
They are in no particular order. So, if you could please get out your number 2 pencils, and get cracking, I would consider it a personal favor.
Thank you:
Why do you go see movies, and make us go see movies, that you KNOW are going to make you cry? Then, why do you get upset that you cried? Don't tell me that you DIDN'T know you were going to cry. The movie was called "MY FIANCE DIED THE MORNING HE PROPOSED TO ME, AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD, SIX MONTHS AFTER HE DONATED AN ORGAN THAT SAVED MY LIFE." Everyone knew you were going to cry. Why didn't you?
How do you avoid getting the toothpaste all over your mouth when you brush your teeth? You look perfectly normal after you brush your teeth. I look like a rabid dog, that the police would shoot on sight.
Why do you go to such great lengths, including wearing VERY uncomfortable looking underwear, to keep people from seeing your panty line? Yet, you wear pants that, as soon as you sit down, show that very underwear to the entire world? (Note: Not that I am complaining. I'm just curious.)
Why do you wear shirts that draw attention to your breasts, then get mad when we look at your breasts?
Why does it take you 5 minutes to iron the same shirt that took me 20 minutes, and yours looks better?
Why do I have to throw away a perfectly good shirt, that may be 15 years out of style, but you can keep a dress that you had BEFORE I even met you, AND still has the tags on it?
Why all the shoes? I have two pairs of tennis shoes, and a pair of dress shoes that I wear when someone dies or gets married. I'm good. Why do you need so many shoes?
Why do I have to lie to you, and tell you something starts at 8:00, when it really starts at 8:30, just so that you'll be ready on time? Then, after you find out that I'm lying to you, I have to tell you that it starts at 7:30, because you have figured out that I'm adding a 1/2 hour to our "prep" time. So, when I say 7:30, you'll think "Ha!!! I know what you're up to!! It doesn't start until 8:00!!" Then, we'll show up at 8:30, which was my plan all along. Pretty soon you'll get so wise to my tricks, that I'll have to start telling you the event starts several days before it actually does. But, we'll probably still be there by 8:30. So, why can't you just be ready on time, and we can stop this web of lies?
Why did you fall in love with us, when we were geeks, and then tried to make us not be geeks? You married a geek. Deal with it. I'm good with it, why can't you be?
Why do you ask my opinion, when we both know that you REALLY don't want it? We could save ourselves a lot of time, here....
Casey
They are in no particular order. So, if you could please get out your number 2 pencils, and get cracking, I would consider it a personal favor.
Thank you:
Why do you go see movies, and make us go see movies, that you KNOW are going to make you cry? Then, why do you get upset that you cried? Don't tell me that you DIDN'T know you were going to cry. The movie was called "MY FIANCE DIED THE MORNING HE PROPOSED TO ME, AFTER I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD, SIX MONTHS AFTER HE DONATED AN ORGAN THAT SAVED MY LIFE." Everyone knew you were going to cry. Why didn't you?
How do you avoid getting the toothpaste all over your mouth when you brush your teeth? You look perfectly normal after you brush your teeth. I look like a rabid dog, that the police would shoot on sight.
Why do you go to such great lengths, including wearing VERY uncomfortable looking underwear, to keep people from seeing your panty line? Yet, you wear pants that, as soon as you sit down, show that very underwear to the entire world? (Note: Not that I am complaining. I'm just curious.)
Why do you wear shirts that draw attention to your breasts, then get mad when we look at your breasts?
Why does it take you 5 minutes to iron the same shirt that took me 20 minutes, and yours looks better?
Why do I have to throw away a perfectly good shirt, that may be 15 years out of style, but you can keep a dress that you had BEFORE I even met you, AND still has the tags on it?
Why all the shoes? I have two pairs of tennis shoes, and a pair of dress shoes that I wear when someone dies or gets married. I'm good. Why do you need so many shoes?
Why do I have to lie to you, and tell you something starts at 8:00, when it really starts at 8:30, just so that you'll be ready on time? Then, after you find out that I'm lying to you, I have to tell you that it starts at 7:30, because you have figured out that I'm adding a 1/2 hour to our "prep" time. So, when I say 7:30, you'll think "Ha!!! I know what you're up to!! It doesn't start until 8:00!!" Then, we'll show up at 8:30, which was my plan all along. Pretty soon you'll get so wise to my tricks, that I'll have to start telling you the event starts several days before it actually does. But, we'll probably still be there by 8:30. So, why can't you just be ready on time, and we can stop this web of lies?
Why did you fall in love with us, when we were geeks, and then tried to make us not be geeks? You married a geek. Deal with it. I'm good with it, why can't you be?
Why do you ask my opinion, when we both know that you REALLY don't want it? We could save ourselves a lot of time, here....
Casey
Friday, July 18, 2008
Death By Plumbing
I wish I could plumb.
I can't.
In fact, I can't do much. If I could do plumbing, though, I think that would be something. People respect people who can do things. I can't do anything.
Guy 1: Damn pipes!!
Guy 2: I know. I hate it when they do those..."pipe".....things.
Guy 1: Yeah.
Guy 2: Well, I guess we better call Casey.
Guy 1: Yep. Casey is pretty good at "plumbing" things.
Guy 2: Did you ever wonder why there's a "b" in that word?
Guy 1: Yeah. And, what about the middle "c," in Connecticut?
Guy 2: This is one crazy world we live in.
Guy 1: Isn't it?
That conversation has NEVER happened.....Well, the first part. I bet the last part happens all the time. Why is there a "b" in that word?
If I could plumb, it would happen all the time. But, I can't. No plumbing.
I also can't change a light fixture. Bulb? Yes....mostly. Fixture? No. I cannot do that.
I can't lay carpet.
I can't fix cars.
I can't put down tile.
I can't put a new roof on the house.
I can't install a garbage disposal.
I can't put down a cement driveway.
I know what you ladies are thinking. You're thinking: My God!! How did I miss this raging stud, when I was single!?!!
On the plus side, my weekends are mostly free. When you can't do anything, people rarely call you. Also, I have very soft hands. Those come in handy when you are doing what I normally do....Which is nothing....They also come in handy for "handling" women....Which I almost never do....For whatever reason, women like men with soft hands. So, they love me. They often ask me to hold their purses, with my soft hands, while they go watch the guys who are putting in the cement driveway. I am SO in!!!!
It's never occurred to me WHY I can't do any of these things. I just can't. No one ever showed me. But, no one ever showed me how to write a blog, either, and I aced that (SHUT UP!!)
Someone had to teach these "other" guys how to do these things. They didn't just KNOW, did they? Honestly, that would be creepy. You can't just do that, can you? Just KNOW how to rebuild a transmission. Someone has to tell you, right? I mean, there's a girl on "Heroes" who can do that. But, that's just a TV show, isn't it? Hmmmmm.....(Note to self: Next time you see a hot, blonde cheerleader, stab her and see if she heals. Always better to be on the safe side.)
I do think that there are people who are predetermined, at birth, to be better at some things than other people are. Like in the old Soviet Union. God works that way......Like the Soviet Union.....Except, without the death camps....God doesn't need death camps.....Quit being an idiot.
I just think that, no matter what point in time you would have dropped me in, the result would have been pretty much the same. Which is to say, I would have been useless. Even in the relatively simple times of the caveman.
Grog: We go hunt, now!!!
Prehistoric Me: Casey hunt?
Grog: Casey hunt?
Prehistoric Me: Ooga!!!
Grog: Uhhhhhhhhh......Me.....think....Uhhhh....
Prehistoric Me: Casey good hunter!!!!!
Grog: No, no....Casey good hunter....Just that.....uhhhh....Casey skills better used OTHER places...
Prehistoric Me: Casey OTHER places?
Grog: That it!!!
Prehistoric Me: Casey do what?
Grog: Uhhhhh....Casey draw pictures on wall...Keep record of hunt.....
Prehistoric Me: Casey blog?
Grog: Okay, dude!! Seriously, no one is going to read your damn blog, okay? Deal with it.
Prehistoric Me: OOGA!!!!
So, you see? It has nothing to do with me, or my overall lack of ability. This is just the way God made me.
I suppose that I could take some sort of class, or something, that would teach me how to do these things. I mean, I wouldn't mind knowing how to plumb, or wire, or roof. Luckily, for society, I know my limitations.
Were I to plumb, someone would inevitably drown.
Were I to wire, someone would get electrocuted.
Were I to roof, entire homes would come tumbling down on top of innocent families.
So, really, it is for the greater good that I don't do ANY of these things. The simple fact of the matter is that, when I touch tools, people die. It's not pretty. I am........THE HANDYMAN OF DOOM!!!!!! Trained by our own government to wipe out entire enemy villages, simply by replacing a dislodged shingle.....Taliban children have nightmares about me.
So, it is best if I spend my time fostering my other, non-lethal skills. Which are basically non-existent.
But, I can change a diaper. I can do the laundry, as long as I wash everything on cold. AND, I can hold your bag while you go stare at those guys putting the roof on that house.......While you're over there, will you look for my wife? Her purse is getting heavy.
Casey
I can't.
In fact, I can't do much. If I could do plumbing, though, I think that would be something. People respect people who can do things. I can't do anything.
Guy 1: Damn pipes!!
Guy 2: I know. I hate it when they do those..."pipe".....things.
Guy 1: Yeah.
Guy 2: Well, I guess we better call Casey.
Guy 1: Yep. Casey is pretty good at "plumbing" things.
Guy 2: Did you ever wonder why there's a "b" in that word?
Guy 1: Yeah. And, what about the middle "c," in Connecticut?
Guy 2: This is one crazy world we live in.
Guy 1: Isn't it?
That conversation has NEVER happened.....Well, the first part. I bet the last part happens all the time. Why is there a "b" in that word?
If I could plumb, it would happen all the time. But, I can't. No plumbing.
I also can't change a light fixture. Bulb? Yes....mostly. Fixture? No. I cannot do that.
I can't lay carpet.
I can't fix cars.
I can't put down tile.
I can't put a new roof on the house.
I can't install a garbage disposal.
I can't put down a cement driveway.
I know what you ladies are thinking. You're thinking: My God!! How did I miss this raging stud, when I was single!?!!
On the plus side, my weekends are mostly free. When you can't do anything, people rarely call you. Also, I have very soft hands. Those come in handy when you are doing what I normally do....Which is nothing....They also come in handy for "handling" women....Which I almost never do....For whatever reason, women like men with soft hands. So, they love me. They often ask me to hold their purses, with my soft hands, while they go watch the guys who are putting in the cement driveway. I am SO in!!!!
It's never occurred to me WHY I can't do any of these things. I just can't. No one ever showed me. But, no one ever showed me how to write a blog, either, and I aced that (SHUT UP!!)
Someone had to teach these "other" guys how to do these things. They didn't just KNOW, did they? Honestly, that would be creepy. You can't just do that, can you? Just KNOW how to rebuild a transmission. Someone has to tell you, right? I mean, there's a girl on "Heroes" who can do that. But, that's just a TV show, isn't it? Hmmmmm.....(Note to self: Next time you see a hot, blonde cheerleader, stab her and see if she heals. Always better to be on the safe side.)
I do think that there are people who are predetermined, at birth, to be better at some things than other people are. Like in the old Soviet Union. God works that way......Like the Soviet Union.....Except, without the death camps....God doesn't need death camps.....Quit being an idiot.
I just think that, no matter what point in time you would have dropped me in, the result would have been pretty much the same. Which is to say, I would have been useless. Even in the relatively simple times of the caveman.
Grog: We go hunt, now!!!
Prehistoric Me: Casey hunt?
Grog: Casey hunt?
Prehistoric Me: Ooga!!!
Grog: Uhhhhhhhhh......Me.....think....Uhhhh....
Prehistoric Me: Casey good hunter!!!!!
Grog: No, no....Casey good hunter....Just that.....uhhhh....Casey skills better used OTHER places...
Prehistoric Me: Casey OTHER places?
Grog: That it!!!
Prehistoric Me: Casey do what?
Grog: Uhhhhh....Casey draw pictures on wall...Keep record of hunt.....
Prehistoric Me: Casey blog?
Grog: Okay, dude!! Seriously, no one is going to read your damn blog, okay? Deal with it.
Prehistoric Me: OOGA!!!!
So, you see? It has nothing to do with me, or my overall lack of ability. This is just the way God made me.
I suppose that I could take some sort of class, or something, that would teach me how to do these things. I mean, I wouldn't mind knowing how to plumb, or wire, or roof. Luckily, for society, I know my limitations.
Were I to plumb, someone would inevitably drown.
Were I to wire, someone would get electrocuted.
Were I to roof, entire homes would come tumbling down on top of innocent families.
So, really, it is for the greater good that I don't do ANY of these things. The simple fact of the matter is that, when I touch tools, people die. It's not pretty. I am........THE HANDYMAN OF DOOM!!!!!! Trained by our own government to wipe out entire enemy villages, simply by replacing a dislodged shingle.....Taliban children have nightmares about me.
So, it is best if I spend my time fostering my other, non-lethal skills. Which are basically non-existent.
But, I can change a diaper. I can do the laundry, as long as I wash everything on cold. AND, I can hold your bag while you go stare at those guys putting the roof on that house.......While you're over there, will you look for my wife? Her purse is getting heavy.
Casey
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Miracle Of Life.....More Or Less
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Honey, look!!!!!!
Husband: OH MY GOD!!!!! THERE'S A BLUE LINE!!!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!!
Wife: I think I'm gonna cry.....
Husband: Me too.....
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Uhhhhhhh.....You might want to take a look at this.....
Husband: I'm not touching that.....You peed on it.
Wife: There's a blue line.....
Husband: Is that the good one?
Wife: No.
Husband: I'm gonna go buy another one.
Wife: Get TWO!!!!
-----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: YOU are going to be the best dad ever....
Husband: And, YOU are going to be a terrific mom....
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: Well, I guess we're going to have to start investing in more wine, so that you can....uh....relax your nerves, huh?
Wife: Yeah, and let's try and remember to NOT put the baby in the dryer for a....What was it?....RIDE?
-----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: This is amazing.
Husband: It's a miracle is what it is. We weren't even trying.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You stopped taking your pill, didn't you....That's how THIS happened.
Wife: Really? Do you think? 'Cuz, I was leaning more toward the "HUNDRED CONDOMS FOR A BUCK" sale, at the Dollar Store, that SOMEONE got so excited about.
Husband: Hey!!! MOST of them weren't torn.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You get more beautiful with every passing month.
Wife: I love going to sleep in your arms.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: I'm gonna go sleep in the other room.
Wife: Good idea. You MIGHT actually wake up alive.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Honey.....Wake up....I think it's time.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Get up, Bonehead....I'm not driving myself.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You're doing great, honey. Just keep pushing.....You're doing terrific.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: Can we speed this up, at all?
Wife: GET..........OUT............
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Oh my God!!! He looks just like my father.....
Husband: He's beautiful!!!
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: God, they ALL look like little old men when their born.
Husband: It's hard to look at.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You're gonna be daddy's little quarterback, aren't you?
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You're gonna mow the lawn on the weekend, so daddy can sleep in, aren't you?
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: I'm gonna take you for long walks, all around the neighborhood, so that everyone can see my little man.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Crap.....It's gonna be 15 years before I'll be able to sleep past 8am, on a weekend.
---------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: I want to have a hundred more kids with you.
Husband: And I want to have a thousand more, with you.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: Uhhhh......This is the last one, right?
Wife: Oh, you're getting a vasectomy, next week. Or, I swear to GOD, I will cut it off while you sleep.
Casey
Wife: Honey, look!!!!!!
Husband: OH MY GOD!!!!! THERE'S A BLUE LINE!!!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!!
Wife: I think I'm gonna cry.....
Husband: Me too.....
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Uhhhhhhh.....You might want to take a look at this.....
Husband: I'm not touching that.....You peed on it.
Wife: There's a blue line.....
Husband: Is that the good one?
Wife: No.
Husband: I'm gonna go buy another one.
Wife: Get TWO!!!!
-----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: YOU are going to be the best dad ever....
Husband: And, YOU are going to be a terrific mom....
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: Well, I guess we're going to have to start investing in more wine, so that you can....uh....relax your nerves, huh?
Wife: Yeah, and let's try and remember to NOT put the baby in the dryer for a....What was it?....RIDE?
-----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: This is amazing.
Husband: It's a miracle is what it is. We weren't even trying.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You stopped taking your pill, didn't you....That's how THIS happened.
Wife: Really? Do you think? 'Cuz, I was leaning more toward the "HUNDRED CONDOMS FOR A BUCK" sale, at the Dollar Store, that SOMEONE got so excited about.
Husband: Hey!!! MOST of them weren't torn.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You get more beautiful with every passing month.
Wife: I love going to sleep in your arms.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: I'm gonna go sleep in the other room.
Wife: Good idea. You MIGHT actually wake up alive.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Honey.....Wake up....I think it's time.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Get up, Bonehead....I'm not driving myself.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You're doing great, honey. Just keep pushing.....You're doing terrific.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: Can we speed this up, at all?
Wife: GET..........OUT............
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Oh my God!!! He looks just like my father.....
Husband: He's beautiful!!!
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: God, they ALL look like little old men when their born.
Husband: It's hard to look at.
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You're gonna be daddy's little quarterback, aren't you?
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: You're gonna mow the lawn on the weekend, so daddy can sleep in, aren't you?
----------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: I'm gonna take you for long walks, all around the neighborhood, so that everyone can see my little man.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Wife: Crap.....It's gonna be 15 years before I'll be able to sleep past 8am, on a weekend.
---------
FIRST TIME PARENTS:
Wife: I want to have a hundred more kids with you.
Husband: And I want to have a thousand more, with you.
SECOND TIME PARENTS:
Husband: Uhhhh......This is the last one, right?
Wife: Oh, you're getting a vasectomy, next week. Or, I swear to GOD, I will cut it off while you sleep.
Casey
Friday, July 11, 2008
I Look Better When I'm Blurry
I have to get new glasses.
I hate getting new glasses. It's just another one of God's cruel little jokes.
God: Hey, Casey!!! I'm gonna let EVERYONE ELSE see perfectly. But, you my friend are going to have to wear metal, plastic, and glass on your face to be able to see. HA HA HA.....Isn't that funny!?!!
Me: Yeah, God. That's a good one....Boy, you're on fire today, aren't you......Thanks.
The big problem is that I'm ALREADY not very good looking to begin with. I'm not fishing for compliments, either. I have mirrors in my house. I know what I look like. I have two older brothers. Steve is good looking, tall, and smart. Tom is good looking, strong, and sensitive. So, that means that I exist off the genetic residue. I'm just Casey. Toss a pair of glasses on that, and it becomes a scene from "Night Of The Living Dead." Again, thanks God.
The other issue is that I just don't care how I look, and don't see the need for spending hundreds of dollars on "fashion glasses," when the black-framed, plastic ones will do the same job. I'm 38, married, with two kids. It's all downhill from here, looks-wise. Why not just embrace it!!!
So, I went to the mall, last night, and started to look around. By the way, if you're ever at the mall, and you're looking for a good laugh, head on over to Lense Crafters, or whatever glasses shop they have. It can actually be pretty funny.
You see, what they do is lay all the glasses out around the store, with a bunch of mirrors, and let the legally blind come in and try to pick out a pair. The problem is that we have to take our glasses off in order to try the new ones on. So, WE CAN'T SEE WHAT THE NEW ONES LOOK LIKE. Ultimately what you get is a bunch of blind people, without their glasses on, wandering around the store, bumping into things, and trying to figure out if the pencil holder they just put on their face, because they can't see, makes them look good.
Priceless.
My other problem, of course, is my wife. I don't know how she knows, but she can always tell when I'm in a glasses store. She knows that, left on my own, I'll buy the black, plastic ones. So, I think she has some sort of special alarm that goes off:
WARNING!!!!! CASEY IS AT THE GLASSES STORE!!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL......REPEAT......THIS IS NOT A DRILL......CASEY IS AT THE GLASSES STORE.....THIS IS NOT A DRILL....THIS IS NOT A DRILLL..........
So, she called.
Brooke: What are you doing?
Me: Uh....Nothing.
Brooke: Nothing, huh?
Me: Nope. Just sittin' in the mall, watching the girls go in and out of Victoria's Secret.
Brooke: You're at the glasses store, aren't you.....
Me: I.....no......How did you know that?
Brooke: What's that sound? Are you holding the black, plastic glasses?
Me: (Putting down the black, plastic glasses) NO.......I am not.
Brooke: Uh-huh.....Hey, you know what would be fun? If we go pick out your glasses together, when you come home this weekend.
Me: You just don't want me to look like a dweeb.
Brooke: Well, SOMEONE has to care about that.
Me: (rolling my eyes)
Brooke: Don't you roll your eyes at me, mister!!!
Me: GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!
So, this woman who just had two major surgeries, can't walk under her own power, and is in constant pain is going to drag herself, and the kids, out of the house, just so that I don't buy the black, plastic glasses.
Clearly, she has not come to grips with the fact that she married a geek.
Stop laughing so hard, God......There's milk coming out of your nose.
Casey
I hate getting new glasses. It's just another one of God's cruel little jokes.
God: Hey, Casey!!! I'm gonna let EVERYONE ELSE see perfectly. But, you my friend are going to have to wear metal, plastic, and glass on your face to be able to see. HA HA HA.....Isn't that funny!?!!
Me: Yeah, God. That's a good one....Boy, you're on fire today, aren't you......Thanks.
The big problem is that I'm ALREADY not very good looking to begin with. I'm not fishing for compliments, either. I have mirrors in my house. I know what I look like. I have two older brothers. Steve is good looking, tall, and smart. Tom is good looking, strong, and sensitive. So, that means that I exist off the genetic residue. I'm just Casey. Toss a pair of glasses on that, and it becomes a scene from "Night Of The Living Dead." Again, thanks God.
The other issue is that I just don't care how I look, and don't see the need for spending hundreds of dollars on "fashion glasses," when the black-framed, plastic ones will do the same job. I'm 38, married, with two kids. It's all downhill from here, looks-wise. Why not just embrace it!!!
So, I went to the mall, last night, and started to look around. By the way, if you're ever at the mall, and you're looking for a good laugh, head on over to Lense Crafters, or whatever glasses shop they have. It can actually be pretty funny.
You see, what they do is lay all the glasses out around the store, with a bunch of mirrors, and let the legally blind come in and try to pick out a pair. The problem is that we have to take our glasses off in order to try the new ones on. So, WE CAN'T SEE WHAT THE NEW ONES LOOK LIKE. Ultimately what you get is a bunch of blind people, without their glasses on, wandering around the store, bumping into things, and trying to figure out if the pencil holder they just put on their face, because they can't see, makes them look good.
Priceless.
My other problem, of course, is my wife. I don't know how she knows, but she can always tell when I'm in a glasses store. She knows that, left on my own, I'll buy the black, plastic ones. So, I think she has some sort of special alarm that goes off:
WARNING!!!!! CASEY IS AT THE GLASSES STORE!!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL......REPEAT......THIS IS NOT A DRILL......CASEY IS AT THE GLASSES STORE.....THIS IS NOT A DRILL....THIS IS NOT A DRILLL..........
So, she called.
Brooke: What are you doing?
Me: Uh....Nothing.
Brooke: Nothing, huh?
Me: Nope. Just sittin' in the mall, watching the girls go in and out of Victoria's Secret.
Brooke: You're at the glasses store, aren't you.....
Me: I.....no......How did you know that?
Brooke: What's that sound? Are you holding the black, plastic glasses?
Me: (Putting down the black, plastic glasses) NO.......I am not.
Brooke: Uh-huh.....Hey, you know what would be fun? If we go pick out your glasses together, when you come home this weekend.
Me: You just don't want me to look like a dweeb.
Brooke: Well, SOMEONE has to care about that.
Me: (rolling my eyes)
Brooke: Don't you roll your eyes at me, mister!!!
Me: GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!
So, this woman who just had two major surgeries, can't walk under her own power, and is in constant pain is going to drag herself, and the kids, out of the house, just so that I don't buy the black, plastic glasses.
Clearly, she has not come to grips with the fact that she married a geek.
Stop laughing so hard, God......There's milk coming out of your nose.
Casey
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I Don't Even Know Why I Wrote This
Superman: Okay, we've convened this meeting of The Justice League of America in order to determine the status of Aquaman as an A-level superhero. Now, Aquaman, would you like to make any sort of opening statement.
Aquaman: Yeah, I'd like to make a statement. This is totally bogus. I've been an A-level superhero for decades. Everyone knows I'm an A-level superhero. I'm the king of the freaking sea, for God's sake. You guys suck.
Green Lantern: Your feelings have been noted for the record, Aquaman. Now, if I may, your only noticeable power is that you can breath underwater, correct?
Aquaman: No, in fact that is NOT correct.Green Lantern: Really? What else can you do?
Aquaman: I can talk to fish.
Green Lantern: I'm sorry.....Did you say that you can talk to fish?
Aquaman: Yes. I talk to the fish, and the fish talk back to me.
Green Lantern: I see......And.......Uh......What do the fish say to you?Aquaman: Lots of things.
Green Lantern: Humor me.
Aquaman: Well, they tell me if another fish is hurt.
Green Lantern: So that you can save the fish?
Aquaman: Exactly!!
Green Lantern: So, that's your super power? Saving fish.
Aquaman: Ye.....Well....There's more......I mean....That's not ALL I can do.
Flash: Well, what ELSE can you do.
Aquaman: Well, I can throw REALLY hard water balls.
Flash: I'm sorry...Water balls?
Aquaman: Yes. I spin the water up with my hand, really fast, then I can throw it really hard at something.
Flash: So, let's say Lex Luther were doing something bad, you could throw a VERY hard....uh....Water ball at him?
Aquaman: Right!! Now you guys are getting it.
Flash: But...He would have to be underwater.
Aquaman: Well....Yeah.
Flash: I see.....And....Uh....What major crime against mankind could he commit....uh.....underwater?
Aquaman: Well, he could make really big waves, I guess.
Flash: And you could stop this?
Aquaman: Well....No.
Flash: But, you could tell the fish about it.
Aquaman: Are you being a wise-ass!?!!
Flash: No, no, no.....Let me ask you, do the fish tell you anything else? You know, like to kill people, or anything?
Aquaman: HA-HA-HA....Very funny.....What's your power, huh? You run really fast? Wow!!
Flash: Well, I do it ON LAND....You know....Where the bad guys generally are.......Not, underwater......Where they AREN'T.....You see the difference?
Superman: Uh....If we could try to keep this civil. Don't think we arent' looking into YOUR powers, too, Flash. Alright? It feels like we're giving EVERYONE A-level superhero status, these days.
Aquaman: Yeah!!!
Superman: Now, Aquaman, aside from your amazing abilities to...uh...breath underwater, and throw waterballs, is there anything else?
Aquaman: Such as?
Superman: Well, how about super strength? You look like you work out.
Aquaman: Well, you know, I try and stay in shape.
Superman: Okay....And, the strength?
Aquaman: Well......I mean.....I can bench about 250.....Is that super?
Superman: No.....Not really.
Aquaman: What can you bench?
Superman: A building, or two.
Aquaman: Oh.....That's good, too.
Superman: Yeah, is there anything else?
Aquaman: I can swim fast........
Flash: While you're talking to the fish?
Aquaman: Shut-up!!!
Green Lantern: You know, I'm really not seeing anything REALLY super, here.....
Aquaman: Well, what about you, Lantern boy!!!
Green Lantern: What about me?
Aquaman: YOU aren't super.
Green Lantern: Am too!!!
Aquaman: ARE NOT!!! Your RING is super. YOU just happen to be wearing it. Without that ring, you're NOTHING!!!!!
Green Lantern: That's not the point. I DO have the ring. So, there......
Aquaman: It's not even MUCH of a super ring, really. You have to charge it. If you don't charge it, you got nothing. You give me that ring, with my other powers, I'd rock!!!!
Flash: Underwater?
Aquaman: Shut-up, Flash!!!!
Flash: While you're talking to the fish?
Aquaman: You're lucky we're on land!!!!!
Flash: Or you'd throw water at me?
Superman: I'm not gonna tell you guys again.....
Aquaman: What about Wonder Woman?
Superman: What about her?
Aquaman: What's super about her?
Superman: Let's not get into this.....
Aquaman: Her invisible plane?
Superman: I am not going to discuss her with you!!
Aquaman: I can get an invisible plane!!!!
Superman: There's more to it than that....
Aquaman: Is it the lasso? Hell, I can get a rope, too.
Superman: It's complicated.
Aquaman: The bracelets?
Superman: She does....OTHER.....things that are super...
Aquaman: What?
Superman: OTHER.......THINGS......OKAY?
Aquaman: I........OOHHHHHHHHHHHHH............
Superman: Okay, why don't we just.....
Aquaman: No, no....I'd like to stay on this for a minute.....
Superman: I....I don't think that's necessary, really.....
Aquaman: Nooooooo.....By all means......Tell us about the "OTHER" things that Wonder Woman does for you.
Superman: Listen, I think you've made an excellent case. Breathing underwater, swimming fast, talking to fish, and throwing hard water......That is an A-level superhero if I've ever seen one....
Aquaman: Are you sure? Because I'd be happy to look deeper into this, as well as what Batgirl is bringing to Batman's.....uh.....table....
Superman: No, no.....We're fine. It's all good. I don't see any reason to move forward.
Aquaman: Well, I'm glad you guys could see it my way.
Flash: Tell the fish we said hi.
Aquaman: SUCK IT, FLASH!!!!!
Casey
Aquaman: Yeah, I'd like to make a statement. This is totally bogus. I've been an A-level superhero for decades. Everyone knows I'm an A-level superhero. I'm the king of the freaking sea, for God's sake. You guys suck.
Green Lantern: Your feelings have been noted for the record, Aquaman. Now, if I may, your only noticeable power is that you can breath underwater, correct?
Aquaman: No, in fact that is NOT correct.Green Lantern: Really? What else can you do?
Aquaman: I can talk to fish.
Green Lantern: I'm sorry.....Did you say that you can talk to fish?
Aquaman: Yes. I talk to the fish, and the fish talk back to me.
Green Lantern: I see......And.......Uh......What do the fish say to you?Aquaman: Lots of things.
Green Lantern: Humor me.
Aquaman: Well, they tell me if another fish is hurt.
Green Lantern: So that you can save the fish?
Aquaman: Exactly!!
Green Lantern: So, that's your super power? Saving fish.
Aquaman: Ye.....Well....There's more......I mean....That's not ALL I can do.
Flash: Well, what ELSE can you do.
Aquaman: Well, I can throw REALLY hard water balls.
Flash: I'm sorry...Water balls?
Aquaman: Yes. I spin the water up with my hand, really fast, then I can throw it really hard at something.
Flash: So, let's say Lex Luther were doing something bad, you could throw a VERY hard....uh....Water ball at him?
Aquaman: Right!! Now you guys are getting it.
Flash: But...He would have to be underwater.
Aquaman: Well....Yeah.
Flash: I see.....And....Uh....What major crime against mankind could he commit....uh.....underwater?
Aquaman: Well, he could make really big waves, I guess.
Flash: And you could stop this?
Aquaman: Well....No.
Flash: But, you could tell the fish about it.
Aquaman: Are you being a wise-ass!?!!
Flash: No, no, no.....Let me ask you, do the fish tell you anything else? You know, like to kill people, or anything?
Aquaman: HA-HA-HA....Very funny.....What's your power, huh? You run really fast? Wow!!
Flash: Well, I do it ON LAND....You know....Where the bad guys generally are.......Not, underwater......Where they AREN'T.....You see the difference?
Superman: Uh....If we could try to keep this civil. Don't think we arent' looking into YOUR powers, too, Flash. Alright? It feels like we're giving EVERYONE A-level superhero status, these days.
Aquaman: Yeah!!!
Superman: Now, Aquaman, aside from your amazing abilities to...uh...breath underwater, and throw waterballs, is there anything else?
Aquaman: Such as?
Superman: Well, how about super strength? You look like you work out.
Aquaman: Well, you know, I try and stay in shape.
Superman: Okay....And, the strength?
Aquaman: Well......I mean.....I can bench about 250.....Is that super?
Superman: No.....Not really.
Aquaman: What can you bench?
Superman: A building, or two.
Aquaman: Oh.....That's good, too.
Superman: Yeah, is there anything else?
Aquaman: I can swim fast........
Flash: While you're talking to the fish?
Aquaman: Shut-up!!!
Green Lantern: You know, I'm really not seeing anything REALLY super, here.....
Aquaman: Well, what about you, Lantern boy!!!
Green Lantern: What about me?
Aquaman: YOU aren't super.
Green Lantern: Am too!!!
Aquaman: ARE NOT!!! Your RING is super. YOU just happen to be wearing it. Without that ring, you're NOTHING!!!!!
Green Lantern: That's not the point. I DO have the ring. So, there......
Aquaman: It's not even MUCH of a super ring, really. You have to charge it. If you don't charge it, you got nothing. You give me that ring, with my other powers, I'd rock!!!!
Flash: Underwater?
Aquaman: Shut-up, Flash!!!!
Flash: While you're talking to the fish?
Aquaman: You're lucky we're on land!!!!!
Flash: Or you'd throw water at me?
Superman: I'm not gonna tell you guys again.....
Aquaman: What about Wonder Woman?
Superman: What about her?
Aquaman: What's super about her?
Superman: Let's not get into this.....
Aquaman: Her invisible plane?
Superman: I am not going to discuss her with you!!
Aquaman: I can get an invisible plane!!!!
Superman: There's more to it than that....
Aquaman: Is it the lasso? Hell, I can get a rope, too.
Superman: It's complicated.
Aquaman: The bracelets?
Superman: She does....OTHER.....things that are super...
Aquaman: What?
Superman: OTHER.......THINGS......OKAY?
Aquaman: I........OOHHHHHHHHHHHHH............
Superman: Okay, why don't we just.....
Aquaman: No, no....I'd like to stay on this for a minute.....
Superman: I....I don't think that's necessary, really.....
Aquaman: Nooooooo.....By all means......Tell us about the "OTHER" things that Wonder Woman does for you.
Superman: Listen, I think you've made an excellent case. Breathing underwater, swimming fast, talking to fish, and throwing hard water......That is an A-level superhero if I've ever seen one....
Aquaman: Are you sure? Because I'd be happy to look deeper into this, as well as what Batgirl is bringing to Batman's.....uh.....table....
Superman: No, no.....We're fine. It's all good. I don't see any reason to move forward.
Aquaman: Well, I'm glad you guys could see it my way.
Flash: Tell the fish we said hi.
Aquaman: SUCK IT, FLASH!!!!!
Casey
Monday, July 7, 2008
Lizard Mixtures, And Other Things I've Learned
I've admitted this before. But, now it's time to make an official proclamation.
I like country music.
It kind of hit my by surprise. I wasn't TRYING to like country music. I don't drink beer, I don't hunt, I don't drive a truck, and I haven't worn a cowboy hat since I worked at a western themed amusement park, and made funnel cakes for tourists.
But, I had fallen into a musical rut. Until just a few weeks ago, on my many trips back and forth to St. Louis, I had been listening to......well.....Duran Duran. Don't mock me. The '80's were my decade. I even had a really thin tie, with a keyboard design on it. It was....uh......radical. Or, "rad" as we would say.
But, I can't just like country music. I needed to know WHY I liked country music, now. There had to be a reason for me to turn my back on the music of my decade. So, because I have WAY to much free time on my hands, I did a little probing.
First, there was the Carrie Underwood factor. I believe we have already established that I should NEVER have free access to her. If I do, I'll take her. I'll treat her nice, and keep her safe and warm. But, she will be mine, and no one will ever get to hear her sing again......except me. ("It sings a song, or it gets the hose!!!")
I would gladly trade my "Cardboard Carrie" cutout, that I got at a store, for the real thing. I don't know if I would go so far as to consider this a "REAL" threat. But, if I were Carrie's people, I would think long and hard about keeping a picture of me at the entrance of all her shows.
So, there's that. No small thing. But, still. I could watch Carrie Underwood without the sound, and NEVER have to hear a country song. There had to be more.
I decided to take two songs, and place them side by side. (See? WAAAAYYYY too much time on my hands.) I picked "New Moon On Monday," a big hit for Duran Duran in the '80's, and "Online," a newer country song that I like, by Brad Paisley.
First, the Duran Duran song:
Shake up the picture
The lizard mixture
With your dance on the
Eventide
You got me coming up
With answers
All of which
I deny
I said it again
But could I please rephrase it?
Maybe I can
Catch a ride
I couldn't really
Put it much plainer
But I'll wait 'til
You decide
Send me a warning siren
As if I could ever hide
Last time
La Luna
I light my torch
And wave it for
The New Moon On Monday
And a fire dance through the night
Huh?
Come, again......
What the Hell does that mean?
And I LIKE this song........
Shake up the picture?
The lizard mixture?
What the Hell is that guy singing about?
Now, mind you, none of this mattered when I was making out with Wendy Hudson, to this song, behind the movie theater and rounding my way toward second base. (Not that there was much to second base....Sorry Wendy.) But, still. I listen to this now and I can't figure out what this thing is about. There was a video. I suppose this helped.
In the video, the members of Duran Duran, as near as I can tell, are members of the resistance during the war. They lurk in the shadows, while men with guns patrol the streets. Then, they start singing this song, and roughly 3 minutes later the world is free again. VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!!!
So, it's political? When you dance on the eventide?
Okay. Fine. Why not? It was the deep, philosophical, political message that encouraged me to shove my tongue into Wendy's mouth, and pathetically fumble with her bra. Super. Let's go with that. Who would ever have known that politics would inspire such heated passion within me?
What can I say.....I'm a romantic.
Now, the Brad Paisley song:
I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive and old Hyundai
I still live with my Mom and Dad
I'm five foot, three
And overweight
I'm a
Sci-fi fanatic
And a mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a
Whole nother me
You need to see
Go check out myspace
'Cuz Online
I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five
And I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on
That I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want
Nothing serious
'Cuz even on a slow day
I can have a three way
Chat
With two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
Much simpler.
He's a geek.....He's fat.....He can't get girls....Has a lousy job....He lives with his parents......
What?
No lizard mixture?
I can understand this. I get it. Hell, I can almost RELATE to it. But, I don't need a freaking video to tell me what it's about.
The only problem I have with this is that the guy's name is Paisley. That just sounds kind of....I don't know....Swishy......But, as we've established before, I am the last guy who should be making fun of anyone's name. When I do, all I need to do is think of this sentence:
"Brad Paisley makes more money, and can get more women than Casey Bartholomew."
Then I will close my eyes, weep softly to myself, and drift off to sleep..........never knowing what the lizard mixture was.
Casey
I like country music.
It kind of hit my by surprise. I wasn't TRYING to like country music. I don't drink beer, I don't hunt, I don't drive a truck, and I haven't worn a cowboy hat since I worked at a western themed amusement park, and made funnel cakes for tourists.
But, I had fallen into a musical rut. Until just a few weeks ago, on my many trips back and forth to St. Louis, I had been listening to......well.....Duran Duran. Don't mock me. The '80's were my decade. I even had a really thin tie, with a keyboard design on it. It was....uh......radical. Or, "rad" as we would say.
But, I can't just like country music. I needed to know WHY I liked country music, now. There had to be a reason for me to turn my back on the music of my decade. So, because I have WAY to much free time on my hands, I did a little probing.
First, there was the Carrie Underwood factor. I believe we have already established that I should NEVER have free access to her. If I do, I'll take her. I'll treat her nice, and keep her safe and warm. But, she will be mine, and no one will ever get to hear her sing again......except me. ("It sings a song, or it gets the hose!!!")
I would gladly trade my "Cardboard Carrie" cutout, that I got at a store, for the real thing. I don't know if I would go so far as to consider this a "REAL" threat. But, if I were Carrie's people, I would think long and hard about keeping a picture of me at the entrance of all her shows.
So, there's that. No small thing. But, still. I could watch Carrie Underwood without the sound, and NEVER have to hear a country song. There had to be more.
I decided to take two songs, and place them side by side. (See? WAAAAYYYY too much time on my hands.) I picked "New Moon On Monday," a big hit for Duran Duran in the '80's, and "Online," a newer country song that I like, by Brad Paisley.
First, the Duran Duran song:
Shake up the picture
The lizard mixture
With your dance on the
Eventide
You got me coming up
With answers
All of which
I deny
I said it again
But could I please rephrase it?
Maybe I can
Catch a ride
I couldn't really
Put it much plainer
But I'll wait 'til
You decide
Send me a warning siren
As if I could ever hide
Last time
La Luna
I light my torch
And wave it for
The New Moon On Monday
And a fire dance through the night
Huh?
Come, again......
What the Hell does that mean?
And I LIKE this song........
Shake up the picture?
The lizard mixture?
What the Hell is that guy singing about?
Now, mind you, none of this mattered when I was making out with Wendy Hudson, to this song, behind the movie theater and rounding my way toward second base. (Not that there was much to second base....Sorry Wendy.) But, still. I listen to this now and I can't figure out what this thing is about. There was a video. I suppose this helped.
In the video, the members of Duran Duran, as near as I can tell, are members of the resistance during the war. They lurk in the shadows, while men with guns patrol the streets. Then, they start singing this song, and roughly 3 minutes later the world is free again. VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!!!
So, it's political? When you dance on the eventide?
Okay. Fine. Why not? It was the deep, philosophical, political message that encouraged me to shove my tongue into Wendy's mouth, and pathetically fumble with her bra. Super. Let's go with that. Who would ever have known that politics would inspire such heated passion within me?
What can I say.....I'm a romantic.
Now, the Brad Paisley song:
I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive and old Hyundai
I still live with my Mom and Dad
I'm five foot, three
And overweight
I'm a
Sci-fi fanatic
And a mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a
Whole nother me
You need to see
Go check out myspace
'Cuz Online
I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five
And I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on
That I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want
Nothing serious
'Cuz even on a slow day
I can have a three way
Chat
With two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
Much simpler.
He's a geek.....He's fat.....He can't get girls....Has a lousy job....He lives with his parents......
What?
No lizard mixture?
I can understand this. I get it. Hell, I can almost RELATE to it. But, I don't need a freaking video to tell me what it's about.
The only problem I have with this is that the guy's name is Paisley. That just sounds kind of....I don't know....Swishy......But, as we've established before, I am the last guy who should be making fun of anyone's name. When I do, all I need to do is think of this sentence:
"Brad Paisley makes more money, and can get more women than Casey Bartholomew."
Then I will close my eyes, weep softly to myself, and drift off to sleep..........never knowing what the lizard mixture was.
Casey
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The Manifesto Shall Return
Possibly next week, I'll be back......I've found that this is my only outlet. Nobody in my house thinks I'm funny......Not that anyone HERE thinks I'm funny. But, none of you stare at me and say things like, "I could have married a doctor," when I try and be funny. Well, you MAY be saying those things. But, I can't see you. So, I don't have to hear it.
It's not MY fault I have a dumb job. All the good jobs were taken.
I'm also trying to figure out if I want to write an online novel. I'm actually trying to write a book, right now. It's a mystery. I could just plop that on here. But, I would rather keep that for other things.
I have to decide on a genre. Hmmmm.....I like that word.....Genre......It makes me laugh.
Now I'm rambling.....Maybe she SHOULD have married a doctor.....I wonder if he would look at my elbow......It hurts a little.........We'll see.
Happy 4th of July.
Casey
It's not MY fault I have a dumb job. All the good jobs were taken.
I'm also trying to figure out if I want to write an online novel. I'm actually trying to write a book, right now. It's a mystery. I could just plop that on here. But, I would rather keep that for other things.
I have to decide on a genre. Hmmmm.....I like that word.....Genre......It makes me laugh.
Now I'm rambling.....Maybe she SHOULD have married a doctor.....I wonder if he would look at my elbow......It hurts a little.........We'll see.
Happy 4th of July.
Casey
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