Bunny Lovin' Is Wrong

Recently, the British tabloid “The Sun” did a survey to find out who the sexiest cartoon character of all time was. The winner? Jessica Rabbit, from the movie “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” I guess that’s good. I mean, she was drawn to be sexy. So, one could say that the animators hit the mark with that one.

Second place was Betty Boop, who was sexy and scandalous in the early part of the 20th century. I suppose that the most troubling part of the list, aside from the fact that grown men were voting on sexy cartoon characters, is who came in 3rd. It was the Cadbury Caramel (or is it Carmel. I never know) Bunny. That’s right. Grown men voted a furry, woodland creature as the 3rd sexiest cartoon character EVER.

Here’s the problem, in case anyone else hasn’t noticed…..

Jessica Rabbit is a HUMAN, who just happened to be married to a rabbit.

Betty Boop?......HUMAN.

What about the rest of the list?

Cinderella is a human.

Wilma Flintstone is a human.

Daphne (from Scooby-Doo) is also a human.

Snow White is a human, too. Though, if I’m not mistaken, Snow White is something like 14. So, I find it a little disturbing that grown men voted her “sexy.”

But, the Cadbury Caramel (Carmel?) Bunny is an ACTUAL bunny. I did a search, on You Tube, in order to verify it. She’s a rabbit. She has a nice, soothing voice. But, she’s still a rabbit. To find her sexy kinda teeters on beastiality, does it not? I don’t know about you, but I’ve NEVER found an animal to be sexy. I even went to the zoo during the Spring, once, and I didn’t even get a little bit turned on.

Guy: Hey, man. Check out those Flamingos.

Me: They’re just birds.

Guy: Hell yeah, they are. With those long legs, that go ALL THE WAY up.

Me: Wait….What?

Guy: And those silky, pink feathers…..

Me: Uhhhhh…..I’m gonna go ahead and…..you know….GO, now.

Guy: I’ll catch up. I need a minute.

Me: Dude, you’re gross.

Needless to say, animals don’t do it for me.

I did have an unusually large number of crushes on girls who were on TV shows, when I was a kid, though. For whatever reason, the Sid & Marty Kroft shows ALWAYS had at least one girl, who inspired thoughts of PASSIONATE hand holding, when I was a kid.

Don’t know Sid & Marty Kroft? Then you, my friend, are missing out, BIG TIME. Sure, they were probably doing pot, or acid, or mushrooms, or some kind of mind altering drug. But, not unlike The Beatles use of acid to create “Sgt. Peppers,” I believe this alleged use of mind accelerants actually added to their work.

There was “Electra Woman and Dyna Girl.” This was a couple of superheroes, who shared an apartment, would put on skin tight outfits, and fight crime. They were reporters, or something, during the day. I had a serious “thing” for Dyna Girl. She had long, straight, dark hair. I like long, straight, dark hair. I liked Dyna Girl. A LOT. I always wanted to write her a letter, but I was too shy. Who knows? She may have wanted to hold MY hand, too. She may have liked guys who talked like Kermit the Frog. She may be sitting, right now, at the “Sid & Marty Kroft Home For Moderately Talented, Former Actors,” wondering what might have been. Sadly, my shyness kept us from being together. Sigh.

Then, there was “Dr. Shrinker.” As the theme song went, he was “A madman, with an evil mind.” That’s right. He was both mad, AND evil. So, it was just plain bad luck when these three older teens crash landed on his island. They survive, make their way to Dr. Shrinker’s house, and he shrinks them. Honestly, what did they think would happen? It’s right there in his name. They probably deserved to get shrunk. But, as usual in these shows, there were two guys ( a hero and comic relief), and a hot girl. Yep, again, I wanted to share my PB&J sandwich with the hot girl. Her name was B.J. Masterson……….Yeah, I know. But, I was 6. It would be YEARS before I had ANY idea. So, put your nasty thoughts aside, and stop trying to ruin the innocence of my youth, damn it. Anyway, she was 6 inches tall, and I wanted one of my very own. A LIVING one. Not a doll. No boy should have a doll named B.J.. Something about that just seems wrong.

The last one I'll mention is "Wonderbug." This was the story of 3 friends (of course), but this one had a twist. One of the friends was black, and he was tragically hip. He said lots of harmless, cool things that made all of us white kids laugh. He was just a sidekick, though, so we never really got to know what made him so hip. Maybe someday there will be a movie that will provide a backstory. But, there were also two white kids. Barry, who was looking for a car, and Susan, who was beautiful and, for some reason, hung out with two losers. Anyway, Barry was looking for a car. So, of course, they went to the junkyard, which is where you ALWAYS go to find a fully functional car that you can just drive home. Duh! The 3 friends found a talking car named Schlepcar. A dunebuggy sort of thing, that was really beat up, and ugly. It was, after all, a junkyard. Susan (looking lovely, even in a junkyard) also found one of those horns, with a squeezy thing on the end. They attatched this to the talking car, squeezed it, and Schlepcar magically became Wonderbug. As wonderbug, he could fly, and he helped the kids, who had never before fought crime, to fight crime. Make sense? Remember, there may have been mushrooms involved. The cool part about this is that, when I was in the 3rd grade, I got to MEET Susan!!!! Not only that, I got to TOUCH Susan. Susan gave me a hug, and pressed her BODY against mine!!! It was the single most glorious moment of my young life. She even signed a picture for my entire class. This picture, which I stole at the end of the school year, provided MUCH for my young mind to ponder.

This was all before Star Wars came out, and I was introduced to Princess Leia. But, it was a start. A wonderful, warm, soft, hugging start.

That was only the beginning, too. There were also female charecters on "Land of The Lost," "The Buggaloos," "The Lost Saucer," and many many more.

Now, is any of this worse than picking Jessica Rabbit as being sexy?

Yes.

Very much so.

For starters, I was 6!!!! The guys who took part in this survey were adults, who were thinking that young princesses, and actual rabbits for that matter, were sexy. That is just wrong on so many levels. Why would you even take part in such a survey? I can only imagine that the answers were given late at night, in their basements, when "normal" adults were asleep.

Just be careful if you see a grown man glaring at pictures of 14 year old, Disney princesses. That guy needs to register, or something.

Plus, keep your hands off of the live bunnies. I don't care how sexy they are.

Casey