Paging Dr. Freud.....

Recently, I posted a picture of myself, with my daughter, on my facebook page. It brought me a barrage of comments, mostly from women, all of which contained the general message, “Awwwwwwwwwwwww……”

The picture was taken moments before Spenser and I left for the annual father/daughter dance. I’m assuming that most of the comments came from adult women, whose fathers NEVER took them to a father/daughter dance.

Have YOU ever been to one?

You’re missing out.

The father/daughter dance, while being a very sweet concept, really has nothing to do with the fathers, or the daughters. It has to do with the aforementioned, adult women who are longing for memories of their own fathers, and don’t want these little girls to have the same, possibly Freudian issues that they have with their dads.

The dance, itself, consists of 3 groups:

The Daughters

The girls will be thrilled to get all dressed up, possibly in a new dress, have their moms put make-up on them, and look as beautiful as they ever have for their “special” evening with dad. They will get their hair and nails done, put on uncomfortable shoes, and smile big for all the pictures that mom will take, before they leave for the big night.

They will arrive at the dance, happily displaying the corsage that their dad bought them (that’s what I did), and wave at all their friends. There will be one, MAYBE two obligatory dance with the old man. Then, they will kick off the shoes, that you just spent $40 on, and run off with all their friends.

The Dads

These “good” men will come home from work, tired after a long day, and get themselves all cleaned up for their “date” with their little princess. They will put on a coat, AND tie, and comb their hair. Some of them will have to call their 67-year-old father, in California, and have him talk them through TYING the actual tie, over the phone. You see, SOME of their fathers never took the time to teach them how to tie an actual tie. So, they will call their dad, who will laugh hysterically at them, and try and talk them through it. Then, they will get mad and hang up on their dad, forcing them to go through their closets, and find a tie that their father tied for them about 8 years ago. It doesn’t REALLY match, but he was tired of getting laughed at by an old man, who lives on a golf course, AND IS GOING TO FIND HIMSELF LIVING IN AN OLD FOLKS HOME, IF HE’S NOT CAREFUL!!!.........

Maybe they need to do father/son dances……..No…….That would be creepy.

Anyway, the dads will do the same, obligatory, one or two dances with their daughters, and then they will be left on the dance floor, alone, trying to make conversation with OTHER fathers, when they aren’t even certain that their kids know each other. The whole time, there will be a “zany” DJ, playing Hannah Montana music too loudly, while he stares at an empty dance floor.

The Moms

This is by far the largest group, AND the group that the father/daughter dance is really for. This is the group of women who now, in their late 30’s/early 40’s, are realizing that they don’t have very many memories of THEIR dads, because THEIR dads really wanted a son. You can tell because a lot of them are named “Toni,” or “Billie,” or “Alex.” You get the idea.

So, since THEY have no positive “daddy” memories, they are going to FORCE you and your daughter to have some, in the delicate manner not seen since Hitler marched across Europe.

Mom: Where is your daughter?

Me: She’s running around with her friends, somewhere.

Mom: WHERE!?!!!

Me: I….I dunno…..

Mom: HOW CAN YOU HAVE FUN, WHEN YOU AREN’T TOGETHER!?!!!

Me: Well, she wanted to go play with her friends. I didn’t want to force her…..

Mom: Did you have a brownie?

Me: No.

Mom: HAVE A BROWNIE!!!!!!

Me: Uh....Okay.....

Mom: Take one for your daughter.

Me: She doesn't actually like....

Mom: TAKE ONE FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!!!! WE'RE HAVING FUN, DAMN IT!!!! WE'RE MAKING MEMORIES!!!!

Me: Okay.......

Mom: Did you get your picture taken with your little girl?

Me: Uh....Well.....No....Actually......

Mom (closing her eyes): Why..........NOT!?!!

Me: Well....uh.....You see, the line was really long.....and.....uh....we just...you know....

Mom (grabbing my tie, and squeezing): You go find your daughter, right f&*#ing now, and get in that f&*#ing line. You will take a f&*#ing picture, and you will smile the biggest f&*#ing smile you have EVER smiled......AND YOU WILL CREATE SOME F*&#ING MEMORIES FOR YOUR LITTLE GIRL. DO YOU F*&#ING UNDERSTAND ME!?!!!!

Me: Uhhhhhhh.......Okay........Can you let go of my tie? If it comes untied, I'm screwed.

Mom (softly crying): Thank you...

Me (putting my arm around her): Are you okay?

Mom: I will be....

Me: Okay.

Mom: Can I call you daddy?

Me: No.....No, you can't.

Mom: Why wouldn't he love me?

Me: I have to go, now.

So, what you get are a lot of daughters who would rather be playing with their friends, a lot of dads who don't have anything to say to each other, and A LOT of damaged, adult women, who will kill us all if we don't eat EVERY LAST ONE of the cookies that they spent hours making for their fathers.......I mean, the dance. They made them for the dance. That's what they did.

If you are ever "lucky" enough to go to a father/daughter dance, I highly recomend it. Just dance the one or two dances with your little girl, then let her go have fun. Eat the brownies, and cookies, and take the cheesy poloroid picture. You're going to make some girl very happy.....

Not your daughter. Your daugher will be running around, squealing about something with her friends. I'm talking about the 3 or 4 hundred adult women, who will be wandering around, with plates full of baked goods, crying softly to themselves.

Just be sure to do EXACTLY what you are told. If you don't, you may end up with one of thoe little, plastic knives shoved in your throat. And THAT, my friend, is NEVER good.

Casey