I Know Stuff, And Junk......

It's time for the VERY FIRST edition of........................................

MR. ANSWER GUY.....

The following are ACTUAL letters........

Sent in by ACTUAL people.......

Written on ACTUAL computers........

Delivered via ACTUAL email.........

And answered ACTUALLY by me.....................

MR. ANSWER GUY....

Let's begin......

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

I'm 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. Lately, every time my best friend comes over, he tries to get us to kiss. I've known my friend longer than I've known him and I think that would be gross. Why do guys think that's such a turn on?
Sheri P. - Ocean City

Sheri,

I have no idea. It doesn't do much for me. I'm not saying that I would look away. But, honestly, it would be just my luck to be trapped in a room with two beautiful women, and they would want to make out with EACH OTHER and not ME. So, next time you are with your boyfriend and one of HIS friends, ask them to make out. See how it makes him feel. If he does it, you'll know you have a REAL problem on your hands.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

Is Ray Rossi really as nice as he comes off?

Carol - East Brunswick

Carol,

No. Ray Rossi is an evil man. Every day he brings a bag of newborn kittens into the studio, and beats them to within an inch of their lives. I know he sounds very nice. Truthfully, though, I fear him and am never comfortable being alone in a room with him, without any witnesses.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Our anniversary was on New Year's Eve which we always spent alone together. This New Year's Eve, he calls me at work and says, "I have a change in plans, I'm going out with my friends to the club." My response was quite an angry and pissed-off one, to say the least. To make a long story short - I felt like this was the a complete slap in the face, and proof that he didn't value me or our relationship. I came home from work, to find him there, with his "best friend" who he had planned to go out with. I threw them both out of my house, and ended the relationship that very day. I guess my question is - did I overreact or did I do the right thing?

Thanks much

Brian - Somewhere New Jersey

Brian,

For starters, you are gay. YOU more than anyone should have known what scum men really are. You did the right thing. Be happy. Now, if you could just get over that whole "I like to sleep with guys" thing, I think you might be in pretty good shape.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

How do you like working with Ray?

David O. - Atlantic City

David,

It would be much more pleasant if he wore clothes during the show. It can be very disturbing.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

How can I get my wife to let it go? She has held a grudge over something I did MANY years ago, and she will NOT let it go! How can I get some peace in my life?

Len M. - Somewhere in New Jersey

Len,

Good question. Luckily, Mr. Answer Guy really understands women. What you need is to do something FAR WORSE than whatever it was you did all those years ago. That way, she will forget about the thing in the past, and have something brand new to be angry at you for. Then, do something EVEN WORSE than the last bad thing. Progressively, she will keep moving forward, and forgetting the last "worst" thing you did, and focus on the new "worst" thing. Eventually, she will stab you in the throat with an ice pick, while you sleep, and you will finally have the "peace" that you so desperately seek.

(Note: Mr. Answer Guy has had exactly ONE successful relationship in his life. So, take his relationship advice with a grain of salt.)

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

I love Ray!!!

Danielle M. - Marlboro

Danielle,

Uhhhhhhh.....That's not a question.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

Why do you suck so much?

Rob - Cherry Hill

Rob,

It is a conscious effort. It may seem, to your untrained ear, like I just suck. In fact, I have an ulterior motive. I'm TRYING to suck as bad as I can. By doing this I'm hoping to create a vortex of suck, so powerful that it will affect the time/space continuum. By doing this I should be able to travel back in time, hopefully to last Tuesday, and pay my PSE&G bill on time....After that, I'll try to suck less.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

What is the greatest song ever?

Mike - Bucks County, PA.

Mike,

"Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress" By The Hollies.

And, no. This is not open for debate.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

Is your name really Casey?

Michelle - Somewhere in New Jersey

Michelle,

If I was going to change my name, don't you think I would have given myself something that sounded a little more manly?

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

What should I magor in in college?

Denise - Somewhere in New Jersey

Denise,

How about spelling?

Major is spelled with a "J," sweetheart.

Dear Mr. Answer Guy,

Do you like working with Ray?

Carolyn - Edison

Carolyn,

No. He's mean. During the commercial breaks, he calls orphans and promises to take them to Disney World. Then he hangs up, real fast, and laughs. I swear there is something wrong with the man.

There ya' go!!!!!

All the world's questions answered, and all your problems solved by..........

MR. ANSWER GUY....

I need to go rest, now. Making the world a better place is tiring.

If you have any questions you would like answered, please forward them to mranswerguy@gmail.com

Together we will save the world........AND learn everything there is to know about Ray Rossi!!!!