Friday, February 15, 2008

The aliens, and Ron Paul, want my blood. Why?

I had to give blood today.

Most people probably wouldn't think too much of this. You go there, they stick a needle in your arm, take some blood, and then you leave. Simple, right? If I'm not mistaken, the whole process takes less than 3 minutes.

Here's the problem.....I don't like needles.

Blood is also not my favorite thing. I have an "understanding" with my blood. It stays in my body, and I never look at it.
This has been a successful relationship for some years, now. Not unlike the way that North and South Korea exist. I know my blood is there. It knows that I'm out here. Every so often one of us staggers into the DMZ, some harmless shots are fired, and we get on with our lives. Easy.
Now, though, a third party is running interference. They want to see my blood. Touch it. Handle it. Test it. It's odd what people choose to do for a living. I'm on the radio. I like being on the radio. True, not as much as I once did. But, I still enjoy it. I also enjoy writing this blog. Yet, for some reason, no one seems to want to pay me to write. I'm working on that, though. Either way, talking on the radio and writing columns don't involve dealing with other people's fluids. That is, to quote a medical journal, "icky."
Anyway, I know what is going to happen. I'm going to go. I'm going to tell them what a sissy I am. They are going to tell me to "try and tough it out." That's what they always do. I'm 38. I know what I can, and cannot, "tough out."
Then, instead of letting me lay down, they will sit me in a chair, stick an unusually large needle into my arm, and expect me to sit there and watch while my own, personal blood oozes into a tube.
I will turn very white.
I will squirm.
They will tell me, "you don't look so good."
I will try and stand up.
Then, they will tell me to go lay down, and get mad at me for not telling them that I had a "problem" with needles.
I know this will happen, because it happened the last TWO times that I had to give blood.
Usually my wife comes with me, and makes sure they don't yell at her manly husband. But, my wife is in Missouri. This makes my life even more complicated. The last time I had to give blood, without my wife there, I had to pull off the side of the road, because I was about to throw up.
This time, I'll be on my own. Which, of course, means that I will probably have to pull off the side of the road, and almost throw up, again.
Great Valentine's Day. I'm away from my wife, and daughter. I had dental work done, today, and we all know how much I love that. Now, I have to go, by myself, and give blood to strange people who are going to do "things" to it.
If I get a bloody nose, before I go, do you think they would just let me drip it into a cup, or something?
Probably not.
Casey

4 comments:

Ray said...

Casey you are a silly person!Welcome back!You and Ray are a perfect team---------Oh by the way!I have a needle that will not hurt!Really!---It goes under your big toe!Scrape out the dirt-Bingo!

Tom said...

In the future, put a fake layer of skin on your arm with a vial of pig's blood underneath the fake skin. That way, you don't lose _any_ blood and it doesn't hurt your supposed manly self!

fairmount55 said...

Man, I give bloood, even watch it fill the vial. I listen to you guys daily. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Casey, thank you and Ray for the many laughs.

Ron