The Battle Of Bunker Hill.......Road

The day was hot, and humid. The grass needed to be cut, and the smell of summer was slowly wafting over the landscape. It was a morning like any other morning, in New Jersey. Except...it wasn't. A battle was about to erupt. Epic, if you will. One man facing his demons. One...CREATURE....trying to reclaim a historic land.

Casey was his name. He was just a normal man. But, in reality, so much more. A luxuriously thick head of hair. Deep brown eyes, and a body sculpted by the gods. (Shut up......ALL of you.)

He left his apartment on that morning, without a care in the world. That was his first mistake. He should have known better. From his CIA spy training, during the cold war, he should have known that things were never as they seemed. A perfect day was NEVER a perfect day. It was almost ALWAYS something more. But, since he was in "sleeper" mode now, and the CIA had placed him at a local radio station to entertain millions of people while he waited for his next assignment (again, shut up,) he never noticed the danger that was about to confront him. Nor did he expect the lengths that he would have to go to in order to survive.

He opened his car door, and placed his spy bag (which currently held a notebook and a pair of headphones) inside. Then he casually, yet gracefully, walked over to check his mailbox.

HE DIDN'T SHUT THE CAR DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He found nothing in his mailbox, as usual. Many people think that this is because nobody loves him, and they never think to send him a simple letter that would lift his spirits. It wouldn't have to be much. A little card, maybe? "Hey, Casey!! Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you." That would be nice. Just once in a while. Just one little thing that would that would shine a tiny light into his otherwise pitiful existence?...........Yeah........That's what some people think. Of course, the reality is that it's too dangerous for someone like him to have that type of contact. It wouldn't be safe for anyone.............It would still be nice, though. I mean, come on..........

He walked back to his car, finally shutting the door, and headed out toward the radio station.

Did he hear something?

No. Couldn't be.

Or, did he.............

Our hero continued to drive.....................

There it was, again.

They teach you this, in the spy game. Your mind plays tricks on you. You have to learn to block things out. Otherwise, you'll go crazy with paranoia.

He drove on.

He turned onto Bunker Hill Road.

Then..............He saw it................And IT WAS BIG!!!!

He let out a high pitched scream...........Well..........Wait...........It wasn't REALLY a high pitched scream.........It was more of a yell.......A deep, manly yell.....The kind of yell that REAL men have......Men you wouldn't mess with, if you met up with them in a dark ally.......Actually, even yell is a little exaggerated.....In truth, it was more of a gasp......Not even that.........A grunt..........A deep manly grunt.......That's what he did.......He grunted.

What happened next was a blur. One witness claimed that the car jerked over to the side of the road, and Casey ran out, making a high pitched noise, and flailing his arms all around. There's no video of this, though. Plus, we're pretty sure that the person who claims to have "seen" this is a heavy drinker......In reality, our hero expertly avoided disaster by QUICKLY pulling his vehicle over to the side, and rapidly, yet casually, exited his vehicle......His arms were not, I repeat NOT flailing. In fact, he was doing a WIDE arm exercise in order to make sure that he was limber. See? You can't believe everything you hear.

He stopped to gather his thoughts, and gauge the enemy. For, you see, there was.............................

THE BIGGEST FREAKING BEE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN BUZZING AROUND IN HIS CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our hero hates bees...............Not unlike Indiana Jones, who is VERY manly, hates snakes......So, quit laughing, tough guy.

The battle was about to begin.

Using some self-defense tactics, which he learned in a class on a Disney Cruise, our hero worked his way back to the car.

He needed a weapon.........

In order to distract the enemy, he picked up an empty Diet Pepsi can (not that he needed DIET Pepsi.....as we have established, he is in GREAT shape,) and hurled the can at the mutant bee. In one swift motion he quickly picked up what he thought was a magazine. It was the best he could do. It turned out to be an old Victoria's Secret catalogue that he had stolen from his wife, in Missouri, so that he could look at the pictures...........and, you know, find stuff to buy his wife.........NOT just look at the pictures......That would be pathetic........Even though he lives alone, and his wife has a broken ankle, and sex seems like a distant memory. One that he can't tell if he made up, or if it really exists.

He dove back into the car...............

To the untrained eye, it might look like he was screaming, and wildly swinging his "panty" catalogue, without any target in mind. In reality, he was using an ancient Hungarian battle cry (it's very high pitched. Hungarians are like that,) and swinging wildly in order to make sure that there was no route for the prehistoric bee to use for escape.

After several minutes, and the gather of several children (who should have been in school, or something....Hell, don't they have video games that they could be playing?) Casey backed out of the car, and assessed the situation.

Dripping with sweat, and preparing to leap back in for round two, the bee came to its senses.........It flew out the back window, and probably back to whatever level of Hell it was spawned from.

Our hero emerged victorious. The world was safe for another day. Man has, again, triumphed over insect.

You're welcome.

Casey