I'M CASEY, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE....

I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message:

You know, a lot of things have come out in this campaign. Not all of it positive. Some of it down right negative. I don't know why we don't just talk about the issues. I mean, sure, we could sit here all day long and argue about whether or not I was shot at in Bosnia. I wasn't. I would like to keep saying that I was. But, there's videotape. Since there's videotape, I have to tell the truth. Granted, I don't like to tell the truth. I'm not good at it. I've been telling lies so long, though, that it's hard to tell where the real world ends, and my fantasy world begins. Thank GOD for that videotape, though. It proves that I was lying. I think it's time to move on from that, though, because the American people care more about the issues than they do about me telling lies.

And, speaking of videotape, have you, the voter, realized that there is no videotape of Barack Obama NOT drowning any kittens? I mean, sure, there's lots of video of him doing lots of different things. But, for reasons that only he knows, there is not ONE SINGLE FRAME of video where he is SPECIFICALLY not drowning kittens. Conversely, I have posted several photos of myself NOT drowning kittens on my website. So you, the voter, have to ask yourself one simple question: What is Senator Obama trying to hide?

I'm Barack Obama, and I approved this message:

Senator Clinton is at it again. Questioning my love of animals, while she continues to hide from the issues that people really care about. While I don't wish to take valuable time away from you, the voter, I will say just one thing. Several different animals are delicacies, in several different parts of the world. Until you, the voter, take the responsibility of having your pet spayed or neutered, I think we all have to live with the consequences of what can happen to these sweet, cute, often tasty animals........And, by YOU, the voter, I don't mean you......I mean OTHER voters that you probably don't even know. YOU, the voter, are perfect, and I love you. It's the other, irresponsible voters that I was talking about. YOU, the voter, care about the issues.....

Speaking of that.....

Do you think there is something that Senator Clinton is trying to hide? I've released my medical records. Why won't she release hers? A lot of information that would be important to you, the voter, is contained in these records. For instance, and this is just off the top of my head, MY medical records clearly show that I have a penis. I'm proud of it. I take it with me wherever I go. That's just one issue that appears on MY medical records. Is there some...uh....ISSUE there, that Senator Clinton doesn't want us to know? Could there possibly be some ISSUE that would be very clear on Senator Clinton's records that might, shall we say, shock us? Oh, I'm wondering if there isn't some.....ISSUE....on Senator Clinton's medical records that maybe we wouldn't expect to find? Some....ISSUE...that we wouldn't expect to see on the first WOMAN with a real shot at becoming president? And, do you wonder why she wears those ugly scarves all the time? Why I bet that, I don't know.....ADAM....would be willing to bite an.....APPLE....to get the answer to that one........But, again, it's really about the issues that you, the voter, care about. I wish Senator Clinton could see that.

I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message:

Well, Barack Obama is at it again. I've said time and time again that I will be happy to release my medical records. All that we're waiting for is my team of 50 lawyers to go through them with a black sharpie, and take out all the things that could be a threat to national security. You'd be amazed at the lengths that members of terrorist organizations would go to in order to find out what's in my boxers......I MEAN PANTIES!!!! Uh.....My sexy, silky, Victoria's Secret brand panties. That's it. I buy 'em by the truckload. Bikinis, thongs, French cut. The whole not yards. And bras, also.....I wear those, too. Can't get enough of them.

But, Barack, why do you hate black people? You never talk about being black. I've never heard you mention that you, or your wife and children are black. Do you not want to be thought of as black? Are you ashamed of being black? My staff has been going over videotape, and you refuse to acknowledge being black. It makes one wonder what kind of president you would be, if you can't even come to grips with your own race. Bill and I love black people. While we were in the White House, we held several photo-ops with black people, whose names I don't recall. While we don't have any black friends, we're looking to hire some for the campaign. The voters want a president that will be for ALL of America. Not just you and your white friends. Those are the issues the voters care about. I want to be the SECOND black president, after my husband.....Who also wasn't black....But, I'm running on his record. So, you know.....

I'm Barack Obama, and I approved this message:

Acknowledge that I'm black?

Are you mental?

Just freaking look at me!!!! I'm black!!! I didn't know that you were so dense, that I would have to point that out!!!

That makes about as much sense as YOU saying that YOU'RE the candidate for change, after being in government for 35 years......HA!!!! That's a laugh!!!

Hey, here's an idea, why don't you throw your hot daughter out on the campaign trail, a little more, huh? She won't answer any questions, but she looks good in a skirt, doesn't she Hillary?

It's a good thing that the voters only care about the issues, 'cuz you're coming off like an uptight, boob!!!

I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message:

Gee, BARRY, I didn't even think you were listening to me!!! I didn't think you could hear me over those rock-star-style rallies that you throw. But, then again, with those ENORMOUS FREAKING EARS, I'll bet there isn't much that you DON'T hear, huh?

Luckily, I'M talking about the issues. I'm the working man's candidate.....And, quit looking at my daughter!!

I'm Barack Obama, and I approved this message:

WORKING MAN'S CANDIDATE!?!!! You can't be serious. Tell me, Hillary, how many working people do you know who cleared $109 million over the last 3 years? Sure thing. You bet. I'll let you get back to clipping those coupons, now.

I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message:

Nice, BARRY......Real nice. Make fun of me because I've been able to use my political position for financial gain. Funny how you leave out the REAL issue that the voters care about. The fact that Bill and I donated a full $650 to charity. Noooooooooooooooo......You want to avoid the issues, don't you?

I'm Barack Obama, and I approved this message:

You are nothing more than an opportunistic street whore.......who doesn't care about the issues.

I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message:

And, you're an uppity dweeb, with big ears........WHO RUINED EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!........uh......and, doesn't care about the issues.....also.

We're the VOTERS, and we approved this message:

We wish a large, heavy object would fall on both of you.



Casey