The Blonde Is Mine....You Can Divide The Rest Up Among Yourselves

I was watching the "American Idol" special, "Idol Gives Back."

Honestly, I found it to be more than a little depressing.

The poor kids, with HIV, in Africa? Yeah. Seen it. Didn't a bunch of singers, in the '80's (Huey Lewis?), get together and do a song to fix that? Honestly, how long are we going to keep dumping money into that project before we realize that the whole "hunger/AIDS" thing isn't working? It's a poor business model, really. Years ago Japan tried to kill all of us. It didn't work. Now, they build cars and computers. They've done alright for themselves. Africa should look into that. I'm just sayin'.

Also, is it necessary to send all the pretty, famous people into these horrible places? What, exactly, is the point of this. Did any of us watch that and think, "You know, I always THOUGHT poverty was bad. But, it wasn't until I saw Reese Witherspoon, in her diamond earrings, talking to some poor, black people that it really hit home....Thank you 'American Idol'"

I highly doubt it. How much do you wanna bet that she high-tailed it back to her 4 star hotel, and hit the spa, as soon as she got out of there? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA......I'VE GOT POOR ON ME!!!!!"

The big deal, though, was that Brad Pitt was there!! He made a little movie where he went and hung out with the victims of Katrina. He said that, in order to get it all back together, we are going to have to rely on, and I'm quoting here, "The good ol' U-S-of-A." Huh? The U-S-OF-A? Brad was apparently visiting from the World War ll era.

Honestly, I have never understood why Brad Pitt is such a huge star. I mean, yes, he's good looking. I also happen to think he's a decent actor. But, let's be honest, if George Clooney (the "Ocean's" movies), or Angelina Jolie ("Mr. and Mrs. Smith") aren't starring with him, very few people are beating down the door to see a Brad Pitt movie. "Troy," anyone? "Meet Joe Black?" How about "Seven Years in Tibet?" No one? That's what I thought. And don't kid yourselves. Not NEARLY as many people saw "Fight Club" as you might think. Lots of boys QUOTE "Fight Club." Not many SAW "Fight Club." There's a reason for this. "Fight Club" was NOT a good movie.

Let's be honest. It's been a LOOOOOOONG time since "Seven." And, really, I have a hard time taking ANYONE seriously who would leave Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. I mean, come on!! Jennifer FREAKING Aniston? How do you leave THAT? Especially for creepy Angelina Jolie, with her weird lips, and scary bug eyes?

I do not want to downplay what they were trying to do. I think you should use your celebrity for good causes. If I had any celebrity, I would use it for good instead of evil. So, they did a good thing, and all of you should give money. But, you shouldn't care about some of these issues because David Spade told you to......Well.....Okay......MAYBE David Spade........But NOT Dane Cook........Dane Cook is a waste.

Now, on the most important thing I felt from watching "Idol Gives Back."

I want my OWN Carrie Underwood.

I promise I will feed it, and take care of it, every day.

I further promise that I will keep its cage clean.......Yes......I will keep it in a cage.......If I don't, it might leave, and trust me when I tell you that THAT won't end well for any of us.

When I watch her sing, I feel the kind of things that I have not felt since I watched Phoebe Cates take her bikini top off, in "Fast Times At Ridgemont High," when I was 13.

She's an angel.......

She's MY angel.......

The rest of you BETTER stop looking at her.

If you don't, I will be forced to abduct her........In order to keep her safe............From YOU!!!!

So, give to that whole "American Idol" charity thing.........And pay NO attention to what I'm doing with the blonde singer, in the burlap sack.............If you know what's good for you.

Casey